I lost too many people, struggling alot.

Hi, it’s coming to a year of saying goodbye over losing my mum and nan a week apart this time last year. My mum died of Flu, barely got to say goodbye. Held her hand when they turned the machines off, i asked the doctor if the tear running down her face was because her eye’s were open for the last 24hrs, she said no, it’s because she knows. This broke my heart in two.

I take on all the duties, cause i ‘thought’ i was in the best place, i consoled my family told her siblings. Arranged the funeral… the worst though was telling an aunt on my father’s side, she was off and gave her condolences and ended the call. One hour later, i got a call back, ‘we can’t hide it from you guys any longer, your nan isn’t doing very well’ this person was the last person in my life that had brought me up and that i treasured. I went to see her, she was so cheery and sarcastic as usual, i was asked by siblings, nephews if they should go see her. My advise was if you treasured her like i did, keep your memories as she was. It got worse each day i went 8days since my mum died in ICU then i said goodbye to my world.

Rewind my history with grief, my grandad at the age of 11 died 2 days before my 12th birthday in 1998. It sent me off the rails, he was a legend, made me smile everytime i saw him. My first big loss, then to 2015 1 day before my wedding, my grandma dies 10mins after i tell her she will look great in the outfit she described for my wedding. 2years later… my world crashed, i get a call that my dad collapsed and was in A&E, I’d only text him 2 days prior. My dad was both parents in one, my best friend, my go to person. He collapsed with a brain aneurysm and never regained consciousness over the 3days in hospital, we made the decision to turn off his machines and donate his organs as per his wishes. This took it’s toll, helped end my marriage and make me re-evaluate my life. I worked through it, or thought i had, each year that went by was more painful than the last knowing what he missed out on.

2023, celebrated new year with a tribute to my dad to see in the coming 7th without him. Jan 9th I’m at a party with friends and some family to get told to get to A&E asap. My Mum in the same area my Dad was but she was awake, the same relative room, me and mum wasn’t on the best of terms but i told her i loved her and she smile and gripped my hand. We waited around, she got tired and we was told to get some rest and come back the next day. We did the morning to have the doctor state ICU had given up on her, early hours that next morning we lost her.

8 days later i lost the Queen of our family, 94, what an age.

2024…it’s all now starting to affect me, to change me…I’m struggling so much with all my loss. I don’t know how to talk to anyone about it, i feel weak when i do.

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So sorry for all your losses, i have also lost a lot of family over the last few years, its so so hard, i losty brother in August last year finding it hard ,which us why i joined thus group, just knowing there are other people going through this and they understand how you are feeling is a help and knowing i can come on here and talk without being judged saying i shoukd be over it by now is a help, i hope you can also take some comfort in this group, sending you support and hope you can move forward as i hope to do

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Thankyou so much Jenny, I’m sorry for your loss. Grief is indefinite an never goes away. I thought it had but it has hit me ten fold. People just look at me as if i should be ok but I’m not and i have to finally come to terms with it. I’m looking forward to supporting people aswell as receiving it x

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Iam always here ,just like you trying to cope with it ,taking one day at a time ,however long that may be ,but i know i have people to talk to and its a big help take care and be kind to yourself x

Hi I am so so sorry for all the loses of your loved ones…
life is shit isn’t it sometimes and totally get how you must be feeling right now…
I lost my dad when he just turned 60 I was 19 at the time then 10 years later my mum I was with her the last two weeks whilst she was on morphine she too shed a tear before she passed I believed it’s because I was singing her wedding song… they can hear you…now my life long partner has died suddenly… you question why me what have I done to deserve so much heart ache…I don’t know about you but I feel angry also…
Have you spoken to your dr at all? They can help with councilling referrals which I’m waiting on… in the meantime know that we are all here to support you x