I’m 27 and my dad died day after New Year’s Day

My dad passed away on Thursday, day after New Year’s Day and I’m absolutely heartbroken, there’s no actual words that describe the pain I’m feeling. He was my world my best friend, there’s not been one day that I haven’t spoke to him, it’s been nearly a week and I feel lost, and empty.
I had a baby boy in November and he was my dads first grandchild and he was absolutely inlove with him.
My dad had liver and kidney failure, he was sick a lot and was on the toilet a lot, over the space of 2 years I’d say, doctors put it down to medication / diabetes / liver damage. It was only the last few weeks he started losing weight rapidly and his stomach and legs bloated and swelled, he didn’t tell me he had kidney failure too which is heartbreaking as he was trying to protect me from worrying. He went to the doctors on the Monday and they admitted him into hospital to get his stomach drained, he went into hostpital on New Year’s Eve and they drained his stomach, me and my brother visited him on New Year’s Day and he looked so so poorly it killed us seeing him the way he was, he just wasn’t our dad, he’d always been a stocky tanned good looking guy, and looking at him then he was like a bag of bones it was heartbreaking. We stayed for a few hours and then kissed him goodbye and told him we’d see him the next day. We got to the hospital the next day and me and my brother walked in on him in his room and he was lying there dead, the nurses never got to us on time to stop us walking in on him. It’s a image I will never get out of my head. They took us quickly into a room and told us he passed away and he did so in his sleep. I went back in and said goodbye and kissed him.
I feel like I’m in a constant nightmare, I feel angry, sad, guilty, I suffer with depression as it is and I don’t know how I’m going to cope, I have a baby that my dad isn’t going to see grow up it’s killing me. We shared everything together I’ve lost my best friend.

I’m sorry this is so long it just helps to let it out

Nataliemaria, I am so sorry to hear of the recent loss of your Father. I lost my Mum 3 months ago suddenly of pneumonia and a heart attack and my father nearly 20 years ago.
Take it the only way you can - hour by hour during the worse days.

Hi nataliemaria,

In so sorry to read about the recent loss of your dad. It’s so bittersweet that he became a grandad and then passed away. It feels awful now but things will improve for you in time.
I’m on this site because my mum died suddenly 6 months ago. I’m 48 and devastated.
When I was 27 my dad died of a sudden heart attack. He was 53. I will never forget rushing to my parents house when mum rang me in panic and seeing my dad lying dead in bed.
My sister was 3 months pregnant with her first child who was born 6 months to the day that he died. I had my daughter 9 years later.
It was very wrong of the hospital to allow you to enter your dads room with him having died. Theres no excuse for that.
Just take things one day at a time. Its not going to be easy. Do you have your mum and have any support? X

Nataliemaria, I am so sorry to hear about your dad, he must have a special man to keep his illness from you, he was so very brave. It is my belief that our loved ones never leave us, I am sure that your dad will be beside you and your little one.
Take good care of yourself
MaryL x

I’m so sorry for your loss @nataliemaria. I’m going to be really honest and say I’m in floods reading your post at our similarities. I’m always struck like this in this instant. I’m 27 and lost my Dad in November just passed exactly one month before my 27th. Like you, my Dad had hid the fact he was more ill than he let on to protect me from worrying. I work part time in a bar and juggled my third year at University which Dad was so proud of, and was away to start a volunteering role with Childline. I study Counselling. It’s ironic, I know.
Dad was heartbreakingly at the Doctors the Thursday before he passed for a flu jab but never mentioned he’d had two ‘attacks’ as he’d called them. He had Emphysema and COPD and struggled with his breathing. The horrible thing for me is I don’t actually know the details and I never will. I think I’d feel I have some closure there instead of being up all night puzzling my brain over it. He was found on the Sunday by myself dead on his bathroom floor. He’d banged his head on the skirting and there was blood on the floor. An image I won’t forget either. The last time I heard from him was the Friday so it was either later that night or Saturday. I was working 10 hour shifts that weekend and had told him I’d be over Sunday on my day off. At least I kept my promise.

There’s no words. Nothing anyone can say or do that’s ever going to change anything. A part of me died when I found Dad. My bestest friend in the whole world. I’ll forever miss him and you’ll miss yours too.

The best thing I can say is to surround yourself by people you love. Tell them you love them everyday. Last words are so important x

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