I lost my beautiful mam after an unexpected illness in September. I have so many emotions flying around, I’m angry, I’m so so sad, I’m lost to name a few. I was my mam’s carer, did the shopping and cleaning, went to see her everyday for the few months before she passed and spoke to her on the phone numerous times a day. Now my phone never rings. I carry it round with me just in case but it never rings. This has been hard to deal with. I feel stupid because I wait for it even though I know.
My mind is playing tricks with me, I seem to have lost some of my memory. I have to really think to remember things. I am missing appointments because I have put them in the wrong days on my calendar. I’m not myself. I work in a busy ward for the NHS but haven’t gone back yet. Work have been very understanding. They have said I need to see the GP to get medication and that I need to get some counselling, easier said than done.
Reading other peoples stories on here does help in that I see I’m not alone. Everyone reacts to a bereavement in their own way. I just don’t know how to help myself right now.
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling totally overwhelmed by different emotions. I’m so sorry to hear about your mam. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
Hello, I just came on here randomly as I too am feeling a bit lonely. I lost my Dad August last year and whilst it does ‘get easier’ (hate to even say that) there are times you are still very much lost without them. Everything you’re feeling is justified. When we have this bad weather, I still worry whether my Dad is okay, despite knowing he’s not experiencing it. You’re human, you had your mam there your entire life, so when they’re no longer there, you can’t just switch off how you worry/expectations. I used to text my Dad loads after he went and probably only stopped coming to around the year mark.
Your memory issues, speaking from my own experience, they’re normal. Your brain is processing such a horrible loss that it won’t prioritise certain things. I drank heavily after I lost my Dad, as it was the only way I could sleep at night. It’s only now that I’m realising I need to stop. I made hasty decisions after losing him (cancelled my wedding as I didn’t want it without him there and eloped)…I regret that now, but it’s decisions we make because we’re in pain.
Personally, I don’t think you need medication nor counselling. Grief is a horrible thing, especially (in my experience) if you were super close to your parent. I HATED the term, complicated grief. People would call it that if you were still grieving after such a short period, but everyone’s grief is their own. The only advice I can give, is allow yourself to feel what you are, but do try to take care of yourself too, and it’s cliche, but it’s what they’d want. So many times I’ve been sad, and I know my Dad would have been telling me to pull myself together, and I’d tell him I know, but it’s hard right now as I miss him, but it’s only really now that I feel he’d want me to not rely on wine to get through, and he’d want me to ‘thrive’, but I feel like you deserve to not be on top of everything either. Don’t be hard on yourself. Don’t compare other people’s grief journeys with yours either. I did that on times and I realised everyone’s dynamics are different.
Hang on in there as you’re probably doing far more amazing than you realise xx