Hi, just lost my father 2 days ago. He was my world, There was no warning. He was not ill. He went for a walk, collapsed and died instantly. I have no friends, I do have a wonderful partner but he is not one to talk about emotions. I have a 10 year old who I worry I am putting so much grief on her. She doted on her grandad but has not cried herself, where I can not stop. Then there is my mom, I’m trying to be brave for her but I am crumpling. He did everything. I don’t even know where to start, I hurt so much. Sorry for going on… I
20 months ago my mum went into hospital for a 1 hour operation to have an artery unblocked.
It’s a routine operation carried out a couple of times a day at the hospital. Mum was happy to get it over and done with and we sat and joked in the waiting room about wine being on offer in Tesco. While her operation was happening I went to stock up in preparation for our holiday in 8 weeks time.
My mum was 74, full of life and the youngest of 6 siblings. She lived with us and did all our childcare for our daughter who was then 12. Mum waved goodbye to my daughter and said see you tomorrow.
3 hours later I received a call from the hospital. Instead of telling me that mum was on the ward drinking a cup of tea, I got told that my mum had suffered a catastrophic brain hemorrhage in the recovery room.
I arrived at the hospital to find mum in a coma. 24 hours later her life support was turned as she was brain dead.
How have I lived without her? I dont know. I cried and cried and held nothing back from my daughter. It wasnt possible for me to pretend I was ‘ok’ as people advised me to.
20 months on and I’m a shadow of my former self. I still cry several times a week.
My advice would be to take things day by day. Dont disguise your emotions infront of your child. My daughter misses her nan so much and we just canot comprehend how mum was laughing one minute and dead the next.
But it happens. I hope that it happened for a reason. Mums PM attributed no blame on the operation. Mums vascular system was a ticking timebomb.
I am relieved that mum knew none of it. A few months later it might have been a traumatic collapse whilst she was out shopping or on her own in the house.
Take things very easy and be gentle on yourself.
Thank you so much. I was worried I was doing wrong by crying in front of my daughter. I just can’t help it. Your words help.
I think it’s good for children to see us cry. I remember when my grandad died when I was 14. I wasnt even allowed to go to the funeral or talk about it.
Thar was far more damaging
I lost my Darling wife Tanya to Metastatic Breast Cancer last July.
She was diagnosed in Aug 2019 & we lost her last July she was 51 we have a 14 year old Daughter who I try to keep my upset away from her as she seems to be dealing with things better than I am.
I also lost my Dad 12 hours later so we had 2 funerals in 2 weeks.
My wife went kept going back to the gp some times 3 times a week with awful pain all over her body & the gp just said because she was also Epileptic things we in her mind but no way as she called a Ambulance as her pain just got to much & the Cancer had spread to her bones then later to her Liver.
We miss her every minute of every day.
I’m so sorry julie
Would your GP send you for counselling?
Perhaps this wouldn’t help everyone
Early days for you and such a shock
Sending a hug
Mum Joan xxx
All I can say is so sorry
I lost my son and friend to cancer 3 years and 3 months ago
Special occasions such as .others day are heart breaking