I’m not coping

I’m not coping at all. My daughter was born at 24+3 and passed away 3 days later. Lily would be 13 now and I buried my grief all this time and it’s jist hit me like a wave

Hello Leannelily, I am so sorry for your loss and words of comfort will never be enough to help you through your grief. Just know that you are never alone in this. My younger sister gave birth to twin girls nearly 48 years ago and they lived for 20 minutes. They had a funeral service which was absolutely heartbreaking, and up to the day my sister died she was never, ever the same. Before this happened, she was a fun loving girl, looking forward so much to having her daughters.

My sister was 26 years old when she lost her daughters and 21 years later she died of ovarian cancer. Her and her husband (my brother-in-law) who has now also died never spoke of what had happened with the babies, which was down to a medical issue not spotted by the hospital, but in the 1960’s there were no scans, only Xrays so no blame could be attached to anyone and we accepted that. She never recovered from what happened which to me could have been so different if she had had someone to talk to, she would not even talk to our mum or me about it, she just closed herself off and buried her grief deep down. She was given anti-depressant tablets more or less from the start and she kept everything bottled up and was never the same again.

She already had a daughter when her babies were born and my niece is now in her early 40’s. When her dad died two years ago she asked me what had happened when her sisters had been born because her mum and dad never spoke about them so I was able to tell her what had happened. I asked her why she never talked to her dad about it and she said she had tried but he changed the subject. We talked about her young life, what her mum and dad had been like when they were young, things that her mum should have told her but because of her depression never did.

You say after 13 years it has now hit you like a wave, this could be a very good thing as you are ready to talk about what has happened and as we have all found on this forum, talking is what is getting us through our grief, we are not bottling it up we are speaking to people who are going through similar kinds of grief and believe you me, it helps enormously knowing you are not alone.

There are people on here that have lost children recently and I hope someone from that forum can reach out to you and let you know you are not alone. Whether we lose a loved one months or many years ago, we never forget and every so often the tears start and you cry as if there is no tomorrow, because when you lose someone you loved with all your heart it seems as if there is no tomorrow.

I am so sorry, but please keep in touch on the forum as we do like to help.

Sheila x

I just feel so lonely and my thoughts r scary

In what way are your thoughts scary.

They just are. Suffocating and isolating

I am so sorry. I do think you have hidden your grief for so long that it had to come to the surface sometime in your life. Something may have happened recently in your life, or someone may have said something which has triggered the memory of you losing your child. When I lost my husband of 47 years I also felt as though all the breath had been taken from my body and I couldn’t breathe and I didn’t know what to do, I felt as though no-one understood what I was going through.

I think you need to tell us what happened and is happening now on the forum where you have posted and let people who have gone and are still going through this type of heartbreak try and help you.

No matter how many years pass, we never forget that terrible day we had to say goodbye to our loved ones, my dad died 50 years ago and I can remember as clear as day me fighting with the funeral director and telling him he couldn’t take my dad away.

Please post again.

Sheilax

Reply here ?

Yes, tell us your story as there are many people on here that can relate to what has happened to you