My beloved husband died a few days ago and I’m so anxious that the stress will make me ill or kill me and my son will have to cope with that too. He’s grown up but is so heartbroken about his father I can’t bear thinking I might cause him more grief. Has anyone else had these thoughts? It’s the wee small hours which I know are bad for causing anxious thoughts.
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My partner died on sunday know exactly how you feel
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It’s awful isn’t it. He had Pulmonary Fibrosis so we knew it was incurable but he declined very quickly. I thought I had accepted he was going to leave us but now realise I hadn’t. The future just looks so pointless without my soul mate by my side. Comforting to know others feel the same emotions
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Hi @BladesWife, I am so sorry you have lost your husband, sadly these thoughts and many others are “normal” given the situation we are now in, night time and early morning are often the worst, for me, 5 months down this road, it is still the early morning that gets me, you will find that you may dwell on things and go over and over certain details, if you can, try and distract your thoughts.
You will see many posts that talk about little steps, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, everybody is different and yet it is all basically the same and that is to get through this horrible time the best way you can, a lot of thoughts of not being able to do this or not wanting to do this will constantly come into your head, sometimes they can be overwhelming along with the floods of tears, it is a shit time, do whatever you have to do to get through the next hour or day, imperceptibly you will learn to cope, one day you will realise that maybe today was a little better than yesterday (but then tomorrow might be crap and you will think nothing has changed but it actually has) there are no short cuts, it’s a long, painful journey, it may be shorter or longer and nobody can tell you which, things have changed and as much as you wish they hadn’t you can’t go back as brutal as that sounds you have to adjust.
One thing I have learnt is that the body and mind are remarkable at learning to cope and adjusting, some refer to it as healing, not a word I use as I don’t look on my wifes death as causing an injury, wound or sickness, she would never do that but that is just my take on it, I also move forward, I don’t move on, to me that implies getting over it , often used by helpful folk who haven’t experienced this loss.
Something else I have found helpful and comforting, the word grief is often talked about as something you have to “get through” or “get over” “get past” but many look on it differently, we see it as a word for the continuation of your love for that person, that love will never die, it will always be there so your grief will always be there, however, there is also the pain and it’s that you have to work through, the pain will subside, to me, it’s part of bereavement and mourning but not grief.
This forum is a remarkable place and the people on it are remarkable people, they have all experienced loss so they all know what you are going through, they get it, its a place you can seek help, advice or just an ear, so don’t be afraid to post as little or as much as you want, nobody judges.
Once again, I have written an essay (I blame my parents) and my wife always told me off for using 10 words when you only needed one!
Take care and look after yourself.
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Thank you for your wise and kind words. Knowing people take the time to reply is such a comfort. I’m going to copy your post into a file for future reference.
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Beautifully written. Thank you, your words are wise and insightful, and exactly what I needed to read xx
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Hi Swift
You’ve articulated that perfectly and replicated my experience entirely.
Thank you x
I tend to add a lot more than is needed but then people seem to read what I write so i guess we are doing something right.
My sister says i should join a creative writing group, there is one in our town so I think I will join…probably when winter starts creeping in and I won’t want to be outdoors so much.
Hi Penny, a creative writing group sounds good, I am ok with facts but struggle with fiction, I think I get it from my dad, he was always considered a word person but looking at his stuff it was always factual but then I have found facts put into poetry, mostly about my mum particularly in his later years, think I have learnt more about my parents after their death! I would love to discover an artistic trait in my make up but struggling so far.
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