I miss her

Let me apologise before I start, I don’t want to upset anyone

The last 3 days I thought I’d turned a corner, not that I’ve accepted June passing, but that I still had things to do, i’ve been so busy, even in this heat. The attic is cleared, bank account sorted, June’s affairs all tidy. I knew I was not over it, as if any of us want to be over that event. I felt ok, June would be pleased with me. Busy,busy busy, getting things sorted.

It’s all just to pass the time isn’t it. I’ve spent a lot of toninght crying, I don’t want to feel sorry for myself, but I’m afraid I do. We had everyting. I retired recently and finalncialy we were ok so I thought we had some good times ahead of us. We’d been married 45 years. You get very close to someone in that time. You know when to say “love you”, and when to make them a cup of teas without being asked, and when just to shut up and leave them alone.

i’m alone. I miss her so much. Comming up on 9 weeks, I’m only here for my daughter. Within 3 months she lost an uncle, her grandmother and then her mother. I can’t give her any more pain, but I miss June so much.

Sorry all, I did post a warning at the start.

I can feel myself getting closer to that decision, but I won’t do that to our only child, unfortunately for me.

I’m sorry all, I just feel wretched tonight.

I now believe 2 tings:

  • this is not the end, domeone so fantastic cannot just cease to exist
  • the kindness of stranger, that’s what I’ve found her

Goodnight all
D

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Hello Dave
I am so sorry that you are struggling so tonight. I can’t tell you that it will get better soon but the awfulness does abate with time and we lèarn to live with grief rather than fight it…we never get over it but our comfort is that our loved one is always in our heart instead of at our side. Your June lives on in your daughter and she needs you so take deep breaths and try not to let the gremlins in. One day at a time…
You can do this.
Take care…good night and God bless you

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Hi Dave, it’s coming up 15 weeks for me but I could have written the same as you. If I truly believed I would see her again I would go tomorrow, but I don’t, so I won’t.
You thought you had turned a corner and you did, but there will be a lot of corners to turn before you find a clearer path.
So in the meantime keep busy, support your daughter and accept that when you turn some corners you will hit a brick wall. It’s painful but you have to pick yourself up and carry on through the tears.
Find your inner strength Dave, it’s in there somewhere.

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NO, NO Dave! Not upsetting at all, and no need whatsoever to apologise. I would think we all know exactly how you feel. Caring and sharing is what it’s all about, and none of us on here are strangers but friends in adversity. To me, those last two sentences are so True. She has not just ceased to exist. No way!
Nothing in this world does. It is transformed into something else.
This transition may be beyond our comprehension at the moment, but we will all know in time.
Nine weeks is so little time and all you can do is grieve, and your daughter to take care of. It’s also too early to make any major decisions about the future. ‘Men don’t cry’. Oh don’t they??
It’s over twenty months since my wife died and I still shed a tear or two. Mostly two!
You won’t do anything because you have your lovely daughter to consider. How would she feel if anything happened to her dad?
I still miss my wife, and at times it is still painful, but I am learning to cope on my own. Difficult and hard, but it can be done.
Take care and please come back and talk when you feel like unloading. It does help. John.

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