I miss Her

Losing a partner
1

I didn’t realize how much I loved and depended on my June until she passed. It’s been 8 months nearly and I’m still crying and feeling lost. I do talk to her, maybe more than I used to.

I gather that time takes away the rawness, the edge, the physical pain. I don’t know. I still hurt, and I don’t think I want that to be over, I don’t want to forget the love and friendship we had. I hear the “be kind to yourself”, but, why? June and I are soulmates, but one of us has moved on.

I had 45 years married to June, and 3 years before that together – teenage sweethearts, a cliché, but true. Many ups and downs over the years, but she chose to stay with me, not sure why, but so glad she did. I always said that I was the lucky one and she agreed!

I’ve now had 2 friends start to say it’s time to “move on”, not in those words of course, “when you meet a new companion” and “as it gets easier”. I don’t want a new companion, I don’t want it to get easier. They mean well, but they have no idea.

I don’t want to be here anymore. I have no reason to be. My child is an adult making their own way doing reasonably well. I have no interest in anything anymore. I wake up and think “another day to get through” and go to bed hoping that I’ll be with her again.

My affairs are in order and the family members I given the details to are not comfortable, and say that there’s no need. They don’t understand that I don’t want to be here, but that June and I needed to have our affairs in order so that our child doesn’t have to worry. I mentioned it to my sister and she thought it was weird and a “bit spooky”.

Sorry, rambling a bit, probably a glass of red too much.

I miss us. I miss having June there watching rubbish on TV, someone I didn’t have to speak to understand what she was feeling, or she me.

We are a team. I always knew that whatever happened, June had my back. I made some serious errors over our time together and she was always there – “what can WE do to sort this”. Yes, she criticized me and read me the riot act on many occasions, but she was there for me, and me for her.

Sorry for rambling, I’m not doing very well today

D

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Hello Dave170520. You are now coming across the insensitive remarks that people make about moving on or possibly finding a new partner. They say it because they don’t know what else to say and they try to ‘fix’ you. Unfortunately it makes them feel better and not you. You loved June and still do. Your inner feelings are all that matters and they are still raw at nearly 8 months (same time for me too) Just live for your memories and let June be proud of you.
Love and light. x

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Hello Dave
So sorry for your loss
Everything you put I feel the same about my husband
Andy passed December 5th and I have got everything ready for my
Sons everything in order
I hate it when I wake up no point at all
Loved my husband so much
Pain is unbearable all the time
Take care xx

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Dear @dave170520,
So many of your comments hit the mark spot on. My 97 year old father occasionally says to me to try to forget about things that have happened, that if I meet someone else and want to get married again, then to go straight ahead, that it’s nobody’s business but mine. I know his heart is in the right place, but it’s the last thing I want to hear and it upsets me. The only person I want is the one I can’t have, so I bite my tongue in our (telephone) conversations.
My wife and I have no children, and I am now on my own, though my parents and older brother and his 2 daughters still live in Scotland, from where I originate. In having to deal with the paperwork for my wife’s estate, I realised how easy it was not to know things about each other, just simple things, like she had 2 very old small bank accounts she hadn’t used in years, or I don’t know where she normally kept her driving licence. I don’t know who will deal with my estate once I am gone, one of my neices I hope, but to make things easier for whoever does it, I’ve started making a “my death” folder. It will include details of bank accounts, utility providers, important documents like my Will, V5s for the cars, mortgage, etc. Morbid I know, but hopefully will be helpful to someone.
All that remains after that is for me to join my wife, which is what I hope for most.

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Thank you all. I know people don’t mean to be unkind and wouldn’t want to hurt me - they’re lucky, they can’t understand where we are because it hasn’t happened to them.

I like the idea of the “my death” folder. My affairs are in order but having them all in one place sounds a good idea. I had to sort my mothers affairs last year (she passed a month before June) and I kept discovering new paperwork for months.

I appreciate all your thoughts, and you have mine - we’re all in the horrible club that we never asked to belong to, but we do understand what we’re all going through.

Take care all

D

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