I miss him every day

Last year (2020) was an odd year, the highlight for me was my dogs having puppies. It was a wonderful experience. Our girl gave birth a 1st July to 7 beautiful pups. We stayed with her all night, one little boy was born not breathing, mum showed no concern and rejected him. Hubby and I worked on him and between all 3 of us we got him breathing. From that moment on, I felt a motherly love for this boy. He was such a gorgeous boy.
We had decided to keep one girl, but when it came to a decision, I couldn’t part with my little Monty man so we kept him as well as the little girl.
I was ill throughout last year which culminated in an operation, through all the illness and post operative trauma, it was caring for the pups that kept me going and brightened my day.
Fast forward to Feb this year. Due to my being ill, hubby trained the pups as I couldn’t walk them. It took months to get back on my feet.
Feb 18th 2021 - I went for my first walk with hubby and all 4 dogs, including Monty. On our way back to the car we lost Monty. He was there no moment and gone the next. We searched for hours, my son in law, daughter, friends, locals , total strangers from Facebook. We’ve never found him.
These past months have been torture. I can’t stop crying for him. I relive the events that day every time I go to bed. I’ve been back there and screamed myself into nothingness, till theres no more sound. I’ve even felt suicidal, wanting to go back to where he went missing and join him so he isn’t alone anymore.
I fret that in his last moments, he thought of me, wondered why I didn’t rescue him, wondered if he was ever really loved. Was he afraid, did he feel alone. It’s torture. Even now, writing this I’m crying, my throat locks up and I can’t breathe. I’ve lost humans and handled it better, but their deaths were expected, welcomed in a sense because they weren’t going to suffer anymore.
This sudden loss is something else, my feelings are overwhelming even now. I thank God for my children, husband and my other 3 dogs, my despair is so strong that I seriously doubt I’d be here now if I didn’t have them to concentrate on. I really don’t know how to deal with the emotions.
I was told once that grief is like a sea, stormy and violent at first, then as time goes by it calms until, it’s still there but tempered and gentle like a summer beach. I’m still at the tempestuous stage of grief. I feel guilty as well, other people go through so much worse, however, this situation is my worst nightmare realised. I just wanted to put this out there. To anyone else that is crying for lost animal, they are every bit a part of family as people and their loss hurts just as badly.

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Hi, yes losing your beloved Monty is heartbreaking and grief, whether due to human or animal going to their special place, still hurts. There are a number of sites dealing with the emotions due just to loss of their dog.
There are others but these are ok.
Have look and see if they are any good to you. I have a little cat and would be devastated if anything happened to her. Look after yourself and take care. S xxx

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Hi there
You have proven that losing an animal can be so traumatic. Not only are they one of the family and so precious to us we love them and they love us unconditionally.
I feel your pain and know I would be exactly the same as you if one of my babies was taken from me. It would be my worst nightmare. Monty helped to get you through a difficult time and is all the more a big part of your life.
Keep searching, praying and try every avenue, report him missing to every organisation possible. Have you contacted local papers and made it known he’s missing, try all the rescue centres, and the Council dog pounds in your area or further afield. Leave no stone unturned and never give up hope that he might come back to you and if he’s still local someone might recognise him.
I got one of my dogs from a Council dog pound and I was told of a little dog that was picked up on a main road, fortunately she was chipped and they contacted her owners. It seems the dog had gone missing SEVEN years previously and the owner was overjoyed to have her dog back again. Please don’t think of him as lost to you. He might well be in the hands of loving people and not suffering in any way. Little consolation I know as you want your beloved Monty back with his family where he belongs.
I am thinking of you as only another dog owner can know the desperate feelings you are having.
Take care.

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thank you,

I’ve not seen these, so thank you.

Hi there,
I was just reading your post there.
Pattidot is right please dont give up hope🙏
It must be heartbreaking for you knowing your beloved Monty is out there. Somewhere
Have you put up posters, tried the animal shelters, dog pounds rspca
I pray🙏Hope🕊 he makes his way back to you.
Take care

Sandra x❤️