I lost my partner of 20 years just over 3 weeks ago. I miss him so much and I am devastated that I will never see him again. I can be having an ok time and then I just start crying. We never had any children, I never met his family as they are all live abroad and I don’t get on with most of my family. I have a few good friends who keep in touch and one that I see every week. But sometimes I feel so alone
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@Spiky1 I’m so sorry for your loss, such early days for you and I’m sure your head’s understandably all over the place. It’s good that you have friends you can reach out to. Everything will take time, be gentle with yourself, one day at a time and reach out on here whenever you need to x
Thank you for your message AlliH, it’s nice to know that I am not alone in my grief
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You’re welcome, everyone on here understands how you feel and what you’re going through. I found comfort in the early days reading through older posts and remember that someone will always be here if you need, take care xx
I understand how you feel, I lost my beloved husband 3 months ago to cancer, we had just celebrated our 22nd wedding anniversary on 19th October.
Im so sorry for your loss.
Sending hugs xx
Thank you all for your kind words and support xx sending hugs to you all
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@Spiky1
Yes it will still be very raw for you. I lost my partner 8 weeks ago now. Some days it feels like yesterday. But coming on here gives advice and support we’re all going through the same thing.
Chin up we’re all here for you. Xx
@Spiky1 At three weeks he seems still within touching distance, as though you can reach out and get him back. I started lighting a candle nightly and I think, unconsciously, that thought that could happen. Now, 11 months on , I light one every Friday night, and tell my love about my week. Acceptance of the truth means using coping techniques that gives my life a purpose. Like you we have no children, scattered family and my closest friend is emigrating so I’m learning how to do little new things which are part of my new reality, not just repeating what we did together. Oh it’s so hard but there is no alternative so small steps and it’s alright to cry and shout. My dog has put up with a lot!!
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@Joyjoy
Bless you. I’ve found I’ve accepted that he’s gone but even though I know it was that awful cancer I still keep questioning myself WHY? But I know the answer. I wouldn’t wanna t him here in pain but I still want him here. Does it make sense? I don’t know myself anymore. Xx
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@Tenpin, thank you for your kind words, I do feel that every is not quite real, everything is saw raw. I understand what you mean, we want them back but only if they are well and not suffering, if only we could turn back time. I think I might try to talk to him to see if that helps. Sending you hugs xx
@Joyjoy , thank you for your kind words, I hadn’t thought of lighting a candle for my partner, I might try that and try to talk to him. You are right it is about learning my new reality, but at the moment that sucks, sorry, but it does, he was my everything
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@Tenpin We talk of happy releases to make death more acceptable. My husband died of a heart attack but suffered severe neurological pain so people say at least he’s not in pain any more. If I could have sold my soul to the devil I would have, and had him back at any price or in any state! I still feel incomplete but try to fill the spaces!
@Spiky1 it’s like an amputation of part of your soul. Sometimes I think, will it always feel like that? It’s not until someone dies you realise you didn’t know how much you completed each other. A close friend, widowed aged 50, 25 years ago says the feelings soften but occasionally something reminds her and she’s back then. Now I could live with that and hope one day I will!
Five years ago I developed a poetry bug. This is one I wrote about candle lighting. I still write as a diversionary tactic and not all loss related! This one, though, says how I feel!xxx
LIGHT OF LOVE
Light of my life,
A flickering candle
Now ending,
Burning so brightly
In the dark night.
Leaving behind
The memory of love
That transcends
The final breath
Wherein death
Is not a finality
But merely a step
In the mystery
Of our creation.
For love’s power
Lights a flame
Which will last
Until and beyond
The end of time.
Beautifully written and encapsulated. Merely a step’ in the mystery of creation. Very powerful and true
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@Joyjoy, lovely poem, thank you for sharing. It does feel like part of my soul has been amputated 
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@Joyjoy
Thank you. Beautiful. Xx
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