I miss my brother so much I can't do anything right

When I lost my brother in January I really couldn’t believe it he had just got a new home he was starting a new Life he had been staying with me over the Christmas he was so excited about starting his new life he was 57 5 days later after moving in I found him I have been trying everywhere to get financial help to get his ashes put with his grandfather i got so much information on here but I am still in the same situation I still have his ashes he always wanted to be put with his grandfather i can’t get help and still can’t afford to do that I really wish he had insurance I finally got the results back from the coroner it was his diabetes the cause of death with the covid situation we couldn’t get appointments at the doctor’s we rang at the Christmas time as he had no medication and insulin but the receptionist said he needed re view so he waited over 3 weeks for an appointment when he finally got an appointment he got a flu jab he said I always get them I thought he had got his medication I went up his new bungalow and he said he had a headache but it was off the flu shot I never thought any more this was on the Friday I found him on the Monday I can’t help but blame myself I sore him every day or spoke on the phone but I couldn’t get him on the phone I rang his friend’s wife she said he’s fine I was with him yesterday to see his new home his phone was playing up but he’s fine I just think if I had of tried more to get his medication or even took him to hospital they could of give him his medication and insulin but I didn’t after he passed away I looked after he had been to the doctors they was no medication or insulin I riddled with grief I still cry every night and through the day I just blame myself my mental health is really bad I just can’t do anything think right he had so much to live for he was like by meny people his friend message me asking ware was my brother at because he wanted to take flowers to the cemetery I just couldn’t stop crying his ashes are on my tablet I couldn’t even manage to get him put in with him grandfather I am the youngest but have lost my mother and father both in the same year a several years ago I was 27 I had never been apart from them I took care of my mother all the way through her illness then my father had a stroke and I signed all his money over to his brother I didn’t realize what I had and he had several holidays to las Vegas and I never received a penny again I really am that low I can’t do anything right I miss my brother so much he should have never Have gonek

@Poppyp hi poppyp I am so very sorry for your losses do you have support around you? Have you had any counselling? sue ryder offer counselling or you could try cruse I know it won’t stop the pain but it might help maybe in time you might be able to get his ashes put with his grandfather I’m often around if you ever want to chat I have not lost a sibling but I recently lost my soulmate and I lost both my parents years ago stay safe and please take care of yourself and please don’t be so hard on yourself sending hugs x

Thank very much I have a flatmate one of my brother’s good friends I shared a house when I lost both my parents I really suffer bad with mental health problems ever since the lost of my parents I’m starting to speek to a different counsellor as my last one left I have been losing a lot of my hair I used to have really long thick hair it stated falling out well over a year ago and it’s just get worse I didn’t realize how much my brother was a big part of my life it’s only getting worse I think if only we new how we could have got the medication he needed he would still be hear I have to live with that he was 57 he was really excited about moving into his new home he had been staying with me Al over the Christmas my flatmate keeps saying think of the good times yous had together but I just can’t my doctor rang me last week I couldn’t go to my apartment because of my anxiety she made me a really early morning one so it should be ABIT better for me I find it difficult to leave the house I don’t really go out I had lost a lot of whight but I’m slowly getting better I’ve put a bit on I went from 9 stone 5 to 6 stone 9 but lately I’ve put some of that back on I have be to the doctors a couple’of months ago so I’m getting somewhere about my hair and problems I’m having thanks again for your kind words it helps sometimes to talk :innocent::heart::fallen_leaf::rose: