I am heartbroken.
My dad passed away on 30th September, a few weeks after turning 62, after almost 12 months of hideous pain and disability from his cancer.
I think about him constantly and I am struggling to think of him in any way other than before his illness. I can’t bear to see what it has done to my mum after 41 years of marriage and the feeling of being robbed of our strong dad and my kid’s granddad is almost too much to comprehend.
I am not religious and I don’t feel him around me or feel like he is watching over me as people say.
I have a lovely family and I am very lucky to have lots of wonderful distractions, but sometimes all I do is cry.
I feel angry all the time when people say things like “at least he’s not in pain anymore”. I didn’t want him in pain, I wanted him to not get cancer. I just want my dad.
Hi @NightFlower I’m so sorry. I can relate to what you’ve said, my dad died from brain cancer 2 years ago. I too have felt angry when people say comments like that, they take 2 seconds to say but stay with you for ages. It is definitely okay to cry and it’s taken me a while to realise it but how you feel is okay too. There is no right or wrong way to feel.
Aniella xx
Hello Nightflower,
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling about losing your father. It must be a really difficult time for you. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
You may also find the following Sue Ryder resources helpful:
- Bereavement information pages
- Our recently launched Grief Self-Help Service which provides articles and interactive tools to help you cope with grief
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please do keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Susannah
That’s exactly how I feel I wanna stop crying I can’t even go out with friends with out being emotional .
This sis probably selfish for me but I want to back to myself . Maybe I just being a bitch .
This version of me is the one I don’t like . I’m no longer strong I’m consumed by emotions I always not brushed stiff of but was ok but I’m not ok anymore .
I worked out I’m probably depressed bute to me dad going has ripped up my heart has killed me im here cause I have to be but would rather be with him . Covid Ruined a lot it did no one’s fault but every day him not being here kills me inside .
The least laziest perso. Is now a slob who has no energy who functions but is heating soo much but has to pretend ur ok inside
I’m hoping through this I can’t chat And learn to grieve .
I think people who have the same issues can help us to help each other
That’s what I wnat and need I can’t afford consellig and doc told m 7-9 months then come back to him even though I was suicidal ok fair enough I didn’t mention but I needed help then
U will be fine
I will be fine
But this stage of grief is sooo deep I love my dad and he isn’t coming back .
It’s so nice to see this as now I actually fe l
Normal