I miss my mam so much

I lost my mam September just gone. She had been ill since 2005 with cancer then she suffered a stroke in 2010. She was poorly but as I would say she had more than 9 life’s this one. She always bounced back but this time she didn’t. We didnt know what was wrong with her really. She had been in hospital about two weeks and she just didn’t seem herself. I never thought for one second I would lose her. The day she went to sleep. I was having alittle me time before going to visit her, when all of a sudden I got this strange feeling something was wrong. I rushed to the hospital and when I got there she was watching Britain’s got talent. :grin: She was asking what I had got up to last night and had I watched Britain’s got talent (she loved the program, loved a bit of ant and Dec) I noticed she wasn’t talking too well and she didn’t look massively great. I asked if she was ok. She said she wasn’t too great and did I know what was wrong with her. I said did she want me to talk to the nurse again, she said yes, which I thought was strange as she would never want me to talk to the nurse. That was the last conversation we had. When I went back in the room she had took really poorly. When I was aloud back in I held her hand until she went to sleep. I replay this day over and over in my head all the time. I have nightmares all the time. I miss her so much. She was alittle monkey most of the time but what I would do to talk to her right now. Will this ever get better.

Hi, so sorry to read about you losing your mum and not having anyone to talk to. As someone who lost their dad in April, I can understand how devastated you must be. It’s terrible when we lose someone we care about so much, isn’t it?

You say you have no family to talk to - that makes it even more difficult to cope. There are plenty of people here at this forum who like you have no one to talk to. But you will always have someone to talk to here, so please keep posting however much you need to, no one will ever get fed up of listening to you here.

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Wilson1, I’m sorry you lost your Mum. I lost my Mum suddenly last October in hospital from pneumonia and a heart attack. I picked up a chest infection and probably passed it one to my Mum.
Even the medical staff were perplexed at her sudden passing. I presumed Mum would bounce back to normal health. It still feels unreal and shocking. I understand how painful it is. It will get better. It will eventually feel less raw. It’s going to take time.
Take care.

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Wilson I’m so sorry you lost your mum you can hear how much you love her. Have the hospital given you any indication as to what was wrong with her? It’s very difficult when the passing is so sudden and unexpected. My mum died 10 months ago. I suppose I am getting better in terms of I now go out with friends. I want to go back to work. I don’t cry every day. My heart feels heavy and hurts constantly but I’m not insane with grief anymore. Just a numb, quiet sadness and the occasional tears. I’m told we just get used to it. Not over it just used to it. I miss my mum so much. I think of her constantly and I still find it hard to believe. I do try very hard not to let m thoughts go over those final days as that can break me. So it’s a case of keeping busy and trying to carry on. It certainly helps to talk about it. Do you have any support?

Hi jooles, I’m so sorry for your lose. It is very hard. Your right, keeping busy is the key.
They didn’t really say fully what was wrong they just put it down to issues with her cancer and stroke. I wish (now when I think back) that I had asked for a postmortem as it plays on my mind. My mam asked me what was wrong and I didn’t get that answer.
I do have support, i have my partner, who has been amazing, she has been my complete rock but now I worry that something is going to happen to her as she was diagnosed with type one diabetes at Christmas and I will be alone. I suffer with anxiety and being alone is my huge anxiety. It scares me because if I was to lose her I would have no one.

I know what you mean when you have little answers. We don’t really know what my mums cancer was or where it started. They told us she had cancer then two days later she was gone. She went into hospital with what we and everyone else thought was a chest infection. The lack of answers used to really affect me and we turned down a post mortem too. But I think unless you really really need one a post mortem would have just made you more upset. You did the right thing. A lot of people pass away and they don’t really know why or what’s wrong with themselves. Maybe it’s better that way so that they are not frightened. I wish to god the drs never told my mum she had cancer she was so terrified For those two days before she died. I wish they had just let her slip away. I also understand your anxiety and losing people. Every time my kids walk out the door I get palpitations that something will happen to them. The other day my son went out to play and I parked up the road and watched him for 4 hours. Just to make sure he was ok. Grief makes you flipping nuts!!! I’m so glad you have loving support from your partner that makes a lot of difference. Keep talking on here. Try and not let the thoughts consume you. Sometimes what I do when the thoughts creep in I think for a bit then I say to myself ok that’s enough for today and I think of something else and make myself busy.

I’ve also had counselling which really helps me it’s not for everyone though. But worth a try.

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The doctor at the hospital suggested it might have been a sudden drop in oxygen, due to saliva or even a partial of food affecting the windpipe. That could have triggered the heart attack. I visited my Mum 2 hours before she passed away and none of us knew what was going to occur. The hospital said that she might leave the hospital the following day, but I didn’t believe that as when saw her she had difficulty breathing due to pneumonia. (The ward she was on was understaffed. )
I was not present when she had the heart attack. I’d gone home. The hospital managed to resuscitate her, but after 8.5 minutes it was too long. I’m sorry it’s rather unpleasant details!
The hospital ask me if I wanted a autopsy and they considered one too. I couldn’t see the point. It wasn’t going to bring her back.
You mentioned to Jooles that your partner has diabetes. Please, try not to worry about it. Embracing a healthy lifestyle is key and keeping the stress levels down also is very important. You are probably aware of the key lifestyle changes.
I have a partner, but I try not to over-burden him. This place has been my support. It’s a wonderful place to get things off your chest.
I think grief can bring on anxiety issues or make them worse. I have anxiety bubbling under the surface. It doesn’t take much for me to get over-whelmed these days. I wish we weren’t dealing with grief and a pandemic at the same time. Unfortunately, we are all have to struggle with that one.
Time will make everything improve. It will get better.

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