I miss my mum so much

I lost my beautiful mum to cancer 4 weeks ago. My only comfort is that I was with her when she passed and could hold and kiss her and tell her I loved her. She had been sick for 7 months and I quit my job and moved back to the UK from abroad to look after her. It was so isolating and lonely looking after someone you love who is having chemo in a pandemic. It was so stressful keeping her safe. I am so sad and I miss her so much. I feel like I’m never going to be myself again. I want to be able to go back to work and get on with my life but I’m finding everything really hard. I can’t do ‘normal’. I was clearing out her belongings yesterday (she lives in social housing) and today I can’t even get out of bed. I am well supported by friends but no one can take away the grief. I feel guilty that I can’t just soldier on. I’m wondering if I should see my GP about medication? I’ve never had depression before but I’m just not really functioning. Also I have read people talking about mediums, any good experiences with ones on the phone or ones based in London?


So sorry for the huge loss you are going through. I lost my mom over a month ago to a sudden cardiac arrest. Like you I am also very attached to my mom. She is my world and I was hers. You are not alone. All your feelings are justified. I feel guilty too. People say time heals but I don’t think this pain can be healed ever. I have been struggling so much. My gp has prescribed me anti depressants which help. Maybe you should consider that too.
I also go to a grief therapist.
There are several posts on ‘medium’ on this group. You can look up medium and you will see the posts. There is one recent ongoing one as well. Most people had positive experiences and were able to connect with their loved ones. I watch Matt Fraser videos on YouTube and those have made me believe in it a lot more.
I am planning to go to one soon. I believe in afterlife now.
Take care and keep talking here.

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Dear MummasDaughter, thank you for your reply and I am so sorry to read you are going through such a difficult time too losing your mum. They are so precious to us, I feel like life will never be the same without my mum and I will never be the same person.
Thank you for validating my feelings. I am a little lighter today but it comes in waves doesn’t it? I am going to go for a walk in the sunshine and see if that helps a bit more and I am hoping to be able to return to work next week.
I am curious to know, have the anti-depessents helped?
I am sending you lots of healing hugs and good vibes. xxx

Hey FloBo,

So sorry to hear of the pain you are experiencing. My mother died 8 years ago and sometimes it still feels like yesterday. I often tell myself it’s a secret pact that me and my mum share, that our love was so strong, how could I ever live a life without her, it’s almost laughable how the whole world continues and you feel stuck - in the past, yearning for them. I was also a carer for my mother and really empathise with the feelings of isolation and the darkness that starts to permeate everything. You are doing the right thing by reaching out at this early stage, and lean on those friends you say you have, even if it feels like they don’t understand. There are no words to describe the pain of losing your mother. I am always here for a chat if you are struggling. You should be so proud of yourself for your strength and your willingness to get support. I would reach out to your GP, and definitely try and get as much support as you can. I’ve found that the friend/family support wanes shockingly quickly - even as a child, my family all estranged after my mums death and me and my lil sis was pretty much left to fend for ourselves. Various services and getting lucky with certain professionals has probably saved my life. I’m also based in London so if you find any good groups let me know! Always up for a chat, inbox is always open if you need to talk to someone. I know how lonely grief can be, especially when the person you lost was your entire world. I often wonder what to do with all the love I have for her, like where does it go now ? It’s still so strong and I’m still trying to strengthen my connection with her in a positive way, even though she’s gone. Sending you loads of strength and a big hug x

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