I miss my mum. Its as simple as that. It hurts, I’m so sad, I cry a lot, I miss my mum.
I’ve not posted before and didnt think I ever would, but yesterday my grief got the better of me and I cried - a lot. On and off. In between doing chores and spending time with my children. I was exhausted. I am exhausted with all the sadness and the tears. It’s hard work to grieve for the loss of someone.
Recently, I have found that its okay to miss my mum and tell people that I do. And cry everytime I do! I miss my mum. And its okay. Im allowed to miss her.
Its been nearly 7 months since my mum passed and I miss her terribly. It feels like just yesterday I spoke on the phone with her and she wished me happy birthday back in June.
Sometimes, like yesterday the longing, and sadness and hopelessness and grief just gets me. Less often and not nearly so powerful now though.
I dont believe it gets easier - how does it get easier to miss someone you loved? - or that time heals - my heart will forever be broken but I will look on it differently - as I’m slowly learning to do. For me, I think my time is beginning to be filled with other things that I dont remember my mum has gone. It doesnt mean I’ve forgotten though.
Sometimes it feels like she’s here. I talk to her about my children, work, life - all the good and the bad just as I did before in between school runs, cooking dinner and as always time takes over and I do other things.
But I miss my mum. And it hurts to say it. That stupid lump in the back of my throat gets me every time I say it, and for a brief second it takes my breath away and the enormity of what has happened to my mum, me, my children and partner sinks in - our lives were different because my mum was here and now our lives are different because shes not here.
Omg it makes me so incredibly sad, I believe I’m grieving for myself, my children and my mum as to what we’re all missing - it breaks my heart.
My partner said to me a few days after mum had passed when I was in a mess, it felt a very lonely place (sometimes it still is) - you cannot have that amount of love for someone and they’re just gone, she’s here, in you and in the kids, this is not it - and I try, so bloody hard, to remember this when I’m on the floor sobbing wiping away tears and snot with my sleeve! Because, I miss my mum.
Sorry for my random post, if my post is a bit different from all the sadness, I have thought many times to post about my grief and my sadness and loneliness in it. But I have some slightly better days now and wanted to share that.
I understand though, not everyone will feel that way, especially if it’s very recent. I have days where it still does feel like yesterday and yesterday was one of those days!
So sometimes, and not all the time but sometimes it’s nice to know that we can miss people and be sad and that it’s okay but also we can laugh and find happiness.
When we moved house 8 years ago my mum wrote in a card - I wish you all lots of love, laughter and happiness in your new home - Its not new anymore, 3 children will do that to a house! My home has all of those things despite her not being here to share it, but because of my Mum we all can.
Take care everyone 
