I miss my mum

I lost my mum almost 11 weeks ago and I feel so empty …mum passed away in manorlands after a 5 week stay .I was with her every day and stayed at her side 24/7 at the end .she passed away peacefully in front of me which gave me some comfort but I miss caring for her immensely. She was poorly for a while with COPD so I have cared for her for quite some time .I am an only child so have no siblings to talk to either .I have a beautiful family of my own but I’m unable to see them due to covid .my head is so mixed up .I think about mum every day .sometimes in a happy way buy mostly I go over her final weeks over and over again .I feel a massive void which is made worse as I cant go see my family and friends as I need to . My hubby is great but I feel like I need to hug my daughters and grandkids to help me heal .the funeral wasnt what I wanted for mum either as it was during lockdown so I feel she was cheated out of a good send off too .all these things are sending me crazy … when will I start to feel normal again !?cath

Hi I lost my husband 8 weeks ago also could not give him the send off he deserves but I will throw a celebration of his life party when I can he was always the life and soul of party’s. I felt bad with the funeral he had but out of our control xx Sorry about your mom x

It’s just so hard not being able to give the send off they deserved. We do plan on doing a memorial day later in year for mum but it still hurts that I couldn’t have everyone there that I wanted there .I had to sit 2 meters away from my hubby and my family …just tore me apart . I know I’m not on my own but it’s still very sad xxx

They let us sit together only 6 of us and let my sons carry him into the church which sounds silly but beautiful for them xx

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Dear Lavender64,

Your question ‘when will I start to feel normal again?’ is a difficult one to answer. Losing our mum has such an impact on our lives, especially when we had a close relationship with them, that life without them feels completely different. I don’t think we will ever stop missing them, but the deep sadness and the overwhelming feeling of loss gradually get less.
When you have cared for your mum in her last weeks of life, like you did (and I did as well for my mum), it is hard to not let the memories of those last weeks come back into our minds over and over again. What helped me was not to dwell on the end of her life but to deliberately think back of of all the years before that and the many happy memories.
I understand your need to hug and be hugged and be close to your family. I am blessed with 3 sisters and we supported each other, but they live in Holland and when I was back I missed their hugs, even though I have a wonderful husband. Hopefully this lockdown will soon be relaxed so that you can meet with them again. Your mum would understand that you could not give her the funeral you had wanted for her, but you were there for her when she needed you most and as Kim said: you can always plan something later, when our country has gone back to ‘normal’. With love,

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Thank you for your kind words .I know I’m not alone in this awful situation we are in and probably some people have lost partners parents and loved ones during this lockdown which is just so sad but I feel my grief is so deep and made worse by not being able to go see friends and family for hugs and chats . My mum is on my mind every day . Hopefully one day I will just think of good times with mum .she was so sassy and a diva till the end bless her . I just dont like that I cant message her or speak to her .miss her in my life so much x

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