Hi there, i’ve been reading everyone’s posts and i’m so sorry for you all… I lost my beloved mum, who I adored, 4 months ago. I spoke to her every day and she lived round the corner from me so I popped round for a cuppa and a chat every couple of days… she was the loveliest mum to me… we laughed, we joked, we shared news gossip and scandal… she had a wonderful knack of cheering me up when I was down and was such a support to me in life, and the kids absolutely adored her. We lost her so unexpectedly (she was only 68), I was with her the night before and she was fine. I was also with her when she passed away out of the blue the following morning… (from an aortic aneurism)… she called paramedics as she felt unwell but they thought she was fine, but then she just suddenly went, whilst I was trying to find her dressing gown. They tried everything, even had the air ambulance over, but they couldn’t save her. The initial disbelief and shock was so terrible…I couldnt sleep for weeks… I also had to sleep with my 17 year old daughter for a few weeks as she was distraught. We all miss her so much. I still can’t believe shes gone. The sadness is overwhelming some days…when I’m at work i try and pin a smile on but i find myself crying in the toilet every day…I just miss her so much… I guess time is a great healer as they say and 4 months in i’m better than I was but its really tough and I struggle with the grief some days…
I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. It sounds like it was a shock, and you are feeling overwhelmed with grief right now. Please know the community is here for you and I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
- Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
- Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care, Rhi
I’m so sorry for your devastating loss - what a terrible shock it has been. I lost my Mum 4 months ago too, so I know exactly how terrible this grief is. I think we are all conditioned to believe that we have to be managing our loss much better than we can. Let’s face it, we will never be the same again… I think we have to try and be kinder to ourselves, accept how sad we feel as we try to adapt. Some days are better than others I find, but it’s always there, the desolation like a big black hole ready to swallow me up… Sending best wishes xx
Sending you my thoughts. It’s a horrible journey and we are all here on this forum for the same reason.
We lost my mum suddenly too and it’s so hard. I hope you’re coping ok. It doesn’t get easier. I’m finding reliving the good times and looking at photos helpful.
Take good care x
I agree… looking at photos etc helps. We went on a family holiday that my mum was supposed to be going on but she died suddenly 3 weeks before… I wanted to cancel the holiday but my dad and brother wanted to still go. We went (to our cottage in Dorset, that mum had been so looking forward to) and dad got all the old photos out of the loft and brought them with him and we spent a couple of evenings looking through them and reminiscing which was lovely. I also got copies and madeca collage for a display at mums funeral and my brother scanned them onto a tablet which linked to a screen which rolled photos on loop at the funeral which i thought was lovely.
It really helped to see all the photos… and still does.
Thanks for the message.
Its so hard isnt it. Good days and not good days but the pain is always there in the background.
The thing I’ve found the most difficult is the deafening silence… my mum was such a huge character… hilarious and loud and now my life feels so silent from not having her, that it feels like you could hear a pin drop… i just want to hear her lovely voice ringing in my ears again.
We’ve kept loads of answermachine messages on the phone, and although I desperately want to hear her voice again, I can’t bring myself to listen to them yet…
My mum was also the centre of our family and its really changed our family dynamic…I guess we have to learn to adjust and live live as best we can, but its just never going to be the same.
I agree… looking at photos etc helps. We went on a family holiday not long after mum died (which we’d booked together before she died)… mum was supposed to be there with us… I wanted to cancel the holiday but we decided to go in the end. We went to our cottage in Dorset, that mum had been so looking forward to, and dad got all the old photos out of the loft and brought them with him and we spent a couple of evenings looking through them and reminiscing which was lovely. I also got copies and made a collage for a display at mums funeral and we had them on a screen as well for everyone to see which waa nice.
I think it really helped to see all the photos… and still does.