I lost my mum quite suddenly on 24th April, which only feels like yesterday. She had a heart condition which she was given 12/18months to live. She only made 9 months. She called an ambulance as she had trouble breathing as she had asthma, she went into hospital and we were hopeful, we visited the Tuesday afternoon, then that evening we got a phone call saying she had become quite poorly and we had to go in. It was the most surreal feeling I’ve ever felt, I wanted to run away and pretend it wasn’t happening . I felt so terrible, I didn’t cry when she passed away whilst I held her hand, I didn’t cry like I thought I would. The sadness creeps up when I least expect it. I want to share so many things with her and I can’t. I go in and smell clothes of hers to feel closer to her. I try to find so many words to describe how I feel, but I can’t find them or there are too many feelings or I tire myself trying to explain myself. I hope this makes sense. No matter how old you are you always want your mum.
Hello @Jellybean86,
I can see that you’re new to the community, so I wanted to say that I am so sorry for the loss of your mum that brings you here.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help right now.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.
Take care,
Alex
@Jellybean86 youre right, age is no barrier to missing your mum. Have you tried writing down the things you want to say to your mum?
I’ve just read you’re story. I’m so sorry about the passing of your mum. There is nothing anyone can say to make it better. But this community is helping, knowing your not alone. I haven’t no, but I definitely will do, write down things that I would tell her if she were here.
You’re right, its difficult to see the wood for the trees sometimes. But it does get better, slowly. Im sorry about your mum too 
Soo sorry for your loss. I looked after my mum for a long time and bought her home so she could die when she developed septicaemia and had been ill in hospital for 6 weeks so she was surrounded by love. It was the hardest thing to do and has broken me.
It has taken me a long while to realise that she was a nuisance sometimes and she could be a bit manipulative even but it was because she was so scared. Now she is gone I am realising just how much she really did love me, and I miss her terribly. No one will ever love me like that however many people surround me. I am left empty and very aimless as I spent soo much of my life taking care of her and making sure she was ok. She died in August last year and all I can do is dwell on the horrid events that led to her death.
The pain of missing her is so physical is quite over whelming. I try and remember she would hate to see me so sad now she is gone and I am able to relax and enjoy my live with my family again. I just can’t, something inside me fundemantally changed and I now feel like a different person with a bit missing.
My family have always looked to me and I was the rock of the whole family. Now I struggle to be there for any of them. That in itself is sad and makes me feel isolated.
I hope every one else is feeling a little better for the better weather. Walking and being out side helps but the sadness keeps crashing down. It is always helpful to be able to safely talk here X
@AnnaHar so sorry for your loss. you’re truly amazing and thankyou so much for sharing your story. This community is such a saving grace and is helping a lot to share the grief and have someone in your corner knowing what your going through.
Thank you. I think it helps just being able to express how you really are feeling inside with out judgement. Typing out and saying out loud somehow allows some of it to be let go.
It is such a slow and day to day process. This is a lovely community of support and helpful in reassuring us all we are not alone or mad or wrong for feeling any way.
I have been to the darkest places I never thought I would visit. I am a little less pained and over whelmed as time moves on and it is nice to know it does change slowly X
Not been on for a while I lost my mum and dad 2 year ago it does get a bit easier but pain never goes away I still have days couple of weeks ago I was in the super market and seen this lady shopping with her mum . And it was just a trigger so that was me couldn’t stop crying and felt really jealous that she still had her mum:heart: