I miss my son

Hi I was sitting here feeling so sad that I went on my phone and found this forum.In doing so read lots of messages from parents who had lost a child and feel the very same way as I do.I lost my son my only child in March this year.He was 51 .I have been a widow for 11 years.My son was a wonderful support when his died especially as he was grieving too.I do have wonderful siblings and friends and I do get out and about.I always though feel better when I return home to be close to my son.He was a good kind gentle man who had addictions as well as cancer and other issues
He suffered and went through alot and spent alot of time with me so I could help care for him.His death came quite unexpectedly though.My heart is broken
and I feel so very sad for his life not being as we always hoped my heart is broken.I miss him so much especially his love.Its unbearable to think I will live the rest of my life without him in it.Losing my beloved husband was so sudden and devastating.I don’t know if I am imagining it the pain of losing my son seems more intense.
I do talk about him often but appreciate unless you have been through it yourself(and you don’t want people to have been through it) that nobody can understand plus I don’t want to bring people down either.

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Hello @Marg1, I am glad you have found our community, but I am so sorry for the loss of your son that brings you here. Thank you for bravely sharing your feelings. I hope that you have found some comfort from reading threads by members who have also sadly lost a child - you are not alone.
There is an organisation called The Compassionate Friends that has useful resources and information for support. It is for families who have lost a child of any age.

If you think it could be helpful to speak to someone, our Online Bereavement Counselling can give you a space to talk freely to a trained bereavement counsellor. Sessions are held online via video chat. You can register for our counselling service here: https://www.sueryder.org/online-bereavement-counselling You might also want to take a look at our Grief Guide self help platform, as well as our Grief Coach text service.

Please do keep talking about your son, we are here for you.

Take care
Seaneen

Hello Marg 1- I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter in January.she was 39. It was by far the most painful and heart wrenching thing that I have experienced. I felt like nobody could feel such utter devastation and keep on breathing. It’s 7 months and I’ve got this far. I am so glad I found this website. It made me realise that everyone who loses their own child, of any age, feels life is almost unendurable at first. Talking to others on here has been a lifeline for me. I was amazed at how many people are going through this loss and we are all different but we all know how overwhelming the pain can be. You will get kind and gentle support from people who ‘get it’ cos it happened to them. I hope you keep posting and that it helps. Sending a very big hug xxxx

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Thank you so much Seaneen.Yes I am so glad I found this forum as people like yourself understand the pain of losing your child which if you haven’t gone through it yourself it’s hard to explain the devastation of the loss.I don’t know how you feel about “time is a healer”.Sadly at the moment it isn’t for me I wake up each morning to miss my son all over again.I am so very for the loss of your daughter our children should never go before us.Its something we would never contemplate. Support of friends and family is great but I don’t know about you but I hate to bring people down because its hard for them because there is nothing they can say or do to make things better.So in that respect this forum is great because we are all as one.Another restless night hence early post.Take care my love and hugs back to you too.Marg x

Hi Sorry I think I sent my last message to Seaneen instead of Nell.But thank you also to Seaneen for your initial t message and love again to you Nell.x

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Hi Seaneen thank you so much for reply and helpful contacts it means alot.Nell2 responded to my message and in error I think I may have sent my reply to you instead of her.Are you able to forward it? If not I will respond to Nell 2 again x

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Don’t worry @Marg1, you have posted your reply on this thread, so @Nell2 can still see it.

Take care,
Seaneen

Many thanks

Hello Marg - Thank you for your most dignified and
heartfelt post. I am so sorry for the loss of your only
Child. He sounds like a very good man who loved you
dearly and who you loved in the same way .
I think I can appreciate to some extent as
of course we are all unique, that sense of sadness that
you describe and the life not fullfilled for the child that
has left us. My son Joñny who was 42 and lived with n
me had physical problems due to past addiction s
a nd a nasty type of depressio n that tore at his soul.All
he wanted in recovery was a good relationship and a child.
Jonny was a smart boy and a sweet boy a nd
just seemed too sensitive to the hurts that came his.way He died suddenly Dec 2021 and I miss him badly everydayy
The life not lived can be as painful to grieve as the life that was
was given . Profound sadness that I feel is my connection
to Jonny at this time because it was sad . I know it will change
to a lighter and less intense need for his presence but for now I will honour him with what .my heart says.
Marge - Your son has a great, loving ,thoughtfula

d

s

f

.

Sorry Marge my keyboard a nd
hand not working well together xxxxx

Oh Jenna I relate totally to everything you say the grief of losing our sons is unbearable but yes the sadness for the life they should have had is also another type of grief.I sometimes feel I wish I could close my eyes and start all over again.Would things be different?.Not that all of our life was sad it wasn’t.Your Jonny I must say sounds very like my Mark sensitive very creative loving and so kind.Yes his addictions caused other health issues .It was heartbreaking to see your child go through the sadness depression and loneliness.Yes he had a couple of lovely relationships but no children which he yearned for Would it have helped him ?I don’t know.He was a gentle soul .I have had a couple days away on my own but coming home and nobody to greet me " How did it go mum?" I cried all the way home knowing he wouldn’t be here.Jenna there is nothing we can say to each other that will end this pain but to be able to express feelings to somebody who really understands I hope will help us and other people like us.Take care and open your heart anytime love Marg

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Hi Jenna I don’t know if you have checked online for verses for MOTHER AND SON but I did recently and found one on Google called just that MOTHER AND SON.It starts with the line “I would give my life to have you back said his mum”
It’s a nice verse just to read now and again.You may want to take a look but believe me I am not saying it makes things easier
Love Marg

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Hello there-thank you for your post it is quietly soothing
Yes it is really hard to look back and wander how things .might have been, it hurts a lot and is made worse by not being abl e to be there to comfort him when he passed
.I have been busy collecting pictures of jonny when he looks j

happy and healthy and am going to get them enlarged. He
was very good at sport and cooking and like Mark did have s couple of relationships. Marge you are b rave to go away on your own knowing how hard it would be to return to an empty house. I admire you for that. This screen is not working how it should be hope it makes sense. I will take a look at poete you mentioned a bit later
Thank you again for being in touch ’ ''it helps xxxj

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Hello Marg - hope that you are ok . I noticed that you have joined a few threads and am glad you are finding support. It is a hard journey but one that is eventually better shared I think. The next few months lead me to the first an iversary of Jonny death whoch is Dec 4th. so i expect a bit of a rough time Hope that you are managing.sending my very best wishes x

Hi Jenna thanks so much for message.As it happens today I spoke to my Doctor as to be honest feeling so very sad at moment unbearably empty.Anyway will have a go at Counselling.I don’t really think anything can mend a broken heart.
Yes Jonny’s anniversary will be so hard for you.Marks first birthday next month since I lost him and yes even though everyday is bad these anniversaries make it harder.
Take care Jenna look after yourself am sure your Jonny would want that for you xxxx

Hello Marge - yes you are right. Anniversaries take their toll ,its not just the day its the build up. I know that feeling of emptiness it is hard i think the counselling would be good , it has certainly helped me . Keep posting - lots of hugs coming your way xx

Thanks Jenna for that xx

Hi Jenna - glad to hear that counselling has helped. I’ve finally got some myself and it’s helping me too. There’s always the ache and the ever present truth, they aren’t coming back. But I am not flat out on the floor grieving like this first few months. Any progress is good. Good to hear from you. Love xxxxx

Hi Nell - glad you have started counselling, it has helped me a lot .I have had seven months and I finish next week, this has left me feeling a bit shaky. She is going to have a look around what is available in my area as she feels that i need to have some trauma based therapy because of the images that keep coming up which can have a big impact. We shall see. I do hope that your graandaughter is doing ok as well.Day by day Nell as you often say. But oh god I do miss my lovely lads as u miss your lovely daughter.x

Hi Nell Jenna so pleased to hear that counselling has helped you both.I hope it does the same for me as sometimes I think I can’t carry on feeling like this for the rest of my life.Best wishes to you both xx