My wonderful husband died at the end of June and, naturally, I am devastated. With the help of my lovely family and this site, I have been coping fairly well lately.
However, I woke up today feeling so distraught, and I have been like it all day. I don’t know where all the tears are coming from today, and I so desperately need a hug from him. I don’t think I have felt quite this bad since he died - it has really floored me. Has anyone else had a really bad episode
I’ve this? I honestly don’t know where to put myself or what to do.
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Dear AnnR
Six moths in for me and each day that goes by I feel worse. You were with your husband such a long time, I was married approaching 39 years - most of our lives. The following quote sums up exactly how I feel:
Healing from your death will take me a life-time.
People are well-meaning but I dislike phrases such as time is a healer, etc. They are words and ours was love that spanned decades - the scales are tipped against there being enough time left for me to get over my husband’s loss.
Take care. Hope tomorrow gives us some respite from our grief.
Sheila
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Dear Sheila,
How lovely of you to respond to my cry for help. I don’t feel so alone now, especially as I ‘know’ you, so to speak. Obviously, I feel devastated all the time but sometimes, something rises up and engulfs me. You are so right that we won’t live long enough to recover from this - 100 years wouldn’t be enough. Coming to terms with it is a nightmare, for sure.
That little blip took the wind out of my sails and shocked me. As you say, hopefully tomorrow will be better for both of us, and anyone else who is suffering like we are. Thank again and take care,
Hugs, Ann x
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Dear AnnR
Thank you for your kind words. We all just need to support each other as best we can. We all have understanding of the huge challenges we face each day. Our little grandson has many of the characteristics and appearance of my husband. On my bad days I try to get my hugs from him but it just needs a glance across to where my husband always used to sit to bring on the tears again.
Take care
Sheila
Hi
A year on Sunday for me I have those really bad days when your thinking I’m doing ok then bang it hits you again. Take care a long journey xx
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It’s reassuring (but oh, so sad) that I am not the only one feeling like I do.
Big group hug. We are not alone, thank goodness. How did bereaved people manage before the internet and sites like SR?
I hope we all have a reasonable night. We could all do with it.
Xx
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Dear AnneR, our husbands passed away around the same time in June last year, im still having very bad days, i don’t want to get up. I go to sleep in early hours then sleep half the day away and tears are always happening. So yes, i understand how you are feeling and it is the pits isn’t it? I just want to hide under my duvet and not have to remember, and i can’t face the day. I find listening to music unbearable because it brings back memories of the 2 of us. Im glad that covid has kept me indoors because i have no wish to go anywhere. Hopefully things will improve eventually for us but man this mourning is exhausting. Take care and best wishes, hugs Margarita
Dear Margarita,
Exhausting is the word! It’s 3.30 and I am still awake. I really want to go to sleep for some peace, but I can’t. I hope this isn’t how it’s going to be for the rest of our lives!
You take care of yourself too. That’s the only thing we can do. Hugs to you too. X
Hello @AnnR and others. It is quite amazing how so many of us that lost partners around last June are finding it so very difficult to cope now. We have had a long cold winter of being without our loved ones and also isolated from friends and family who may have been a comfort for us.
To have come this far shows the strength we have. Just remember this: A part of us died with them, but a part of them lives on in us.
Hope this helps.
Love and light. x
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Can I ask how long does the washing machine feeling in you stomach last I’ve had it since Tim went into hospital in January the feeling you have when you go for an interview but it’s heightened and it comes up to my throat and heart it never leaves me.
Tim passed seven weeks ago I am distraught the shaking has stopped but I still sob and scream his name daily.
I don’t know how I get through each day but I do for our children and grandchildren but this pain is unbearable and my head is a mess nothing makes sense.
I also feel sick and replay events over and over until I break down.
Virtual hugs to you all and I hope the day is kind to you,
Julie 
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Hello @Quarterman. You are still in a very early stage of grief and every one of us on this site can relate to the feelings you describe. There is no magic pill to take away the pain but you can rest assured that whilst a part of you died with Tim a part of Tim is living within you. Grief is affecting people very strangely with this lockdown. In my case I have no one to visit me, family all live away and I have no transport so I feel very alone.
Different days will bring different feelings but we all seem to agree that giving in to crying and grieving is better than trying to bottle it up. There is no such thing as bravery in grief.
My personal belief is that our loved ones are watching over us so we can still talk to them as we always did.
I hope this helps you Julie. Love and light. x
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Hi …Six months in for me too since my lovely chap died
I feel people have forgotten him and there’s only me
left so sad and alone.I know people have to live their own lives but it hurts …
Hi Deborah1
Yes I understand. My greatest upset is that people forget about my husband. His younger brother has not been in touch - just sends me texts to tell me how busy they are. Ashamed to say just been to the park with our grandson and there was a couple there that we knew with their grandkids. I had to leave - I just wanted to scream that should be us. Finding I do not want to meet up with friends - just want to withdraw and wait for my time.
It is so hard.
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Quarterman, i know exactly that washing machine feeling. It hits me everytime i look at a photo of mel or somebody mentions his name. My husband has been gone 9 weeks now. Nothing seems to get better. Just sit in chair with blanket at night. Its so lonely. Managed to clean inside of car this morning, but was praying nobody came and spoke to me otherwise i would of melted xx
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Hello @Bubba. We all know that feeling of inner doom and hoping neighbours don’t come out to talk to you. It is very early days yet. Looking at photos can be hard because you want to see them and feel close yet it reminds you that they will never be here again. Very mixed emotions. I try to think that I do everything for Mike, and try to make him proud of me. I believe it is your anniversary on 26th and that is hard coming so soon after your loss. My birthday came 2 weeks after I lost Mike and our anniversary 2 weeks after that, His funeral was the same week. You will get through it and our thoughts will be with you. Breathe deeply and be kind to yourself.
Love and light. x
Thankyou Jean. Had my birthday and mothers day to. Judt wa nt to be left alone but my children seem to think that i need babysitting. They dont get it, cos soon as they go and im alone the emptiness still comes. Rather be on my own with my happy memories. X
Thankyou Sheila…I am thinking of you
Its my 49th wedding annivwrsary today. Feel so sad and alone
Bubba
I am thinking of you today the world is cruel for taking our love ones in such a way. 49 years is a lifetime of wonderful memories I really hope the day is kind to you and you can remember some of these happy memories.
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I miss my big bear hugs from my dear big biker bear, which usually ends with an arse grope & a laugh.
nothing is the same, nothing can be.