2 years ago I lost my dad. I’m 23 years old and I lost my Dad to alcohol. My dad was an alcoholic for 10 years before passing away. His death was expected, but not expected if you can understand. He always bounced back like the Phoenix from the flames. He was strong willed and determined and I never actually thought I was ever going to lose him. He died and my world fell apart. There are so many emotions on top of grief itself. I try to remember the good, which is easy because he was a good man. He provided for me and My mom always and he was a family man. The drink did change him and I felt so sorry for the man I saw before me every day. My mom and dad were married until the end. Around the anniversary of my Dads death (1 year) I found out that my mom had met someone else and she has now been seeing him ever since. I hate it. I hate the very fact of it. She lied to me because she was ashamed of herself and she made it out like I was the problem. The man likes all of the songs my dad did, is the same age and their birthdays are days apart. It’s like every bit of my Dad is being replaced by this man and I hate him. Is this normal? I feel like because my dad died in bad circumstances and the last few years of their relationship was rocky, people make comments like “You can be happy now, you deserve happiness”. She was happy with my dad and I hate it that people and herself insinuate otherwise. I just feel broken and I feel like I always will.
Hello Thereisalight
Im sorry you are feeling so broken,and yes you love your Dad and always will.In life our loved ones make choices,not always good ones for many reasons only known to them,we think we understand our loved ones totally,but we never really do,we only really understand ourselves,and sometimes we are confused about how we feel.
You have said your Dad was a good man and that’s what you should hold onto,our poor choices and problems don’t really shape who we are,we are always much more than the drink problem or other addictions people choose.
Your Mom has choices to make and they are her own,if she is truly happy,then maybe if you can with time,come to accept those choices she has made.
Like you mention this man your Mom has met ,has some similar preferences,as your Dad and so associate him with your grief for your Dad,as you want your Dad here and feel this man has sort of taken your Dad,s place in your mam’s heart.
Maybe best to have a good talk with your Mom and explain how you are feeling,as the resentment or anger you feel which sounds totally normal in this situation,maybe helped by letting it out.
Your Mom as you say was happy with your Dad,doesn’t mean she doesn’t carry that love for him any less.I do hope you can work through this so you feel lighter and can move through your grief without an overload of mixed up emotions to deal with at the same time.Take care xx