I need help advice anything

My girlfriend Rachel got knocked down and past away 6 days ago…this tragic accident happened minutes after I had left her…I had left the house and rachel was going to the shop across the road…unfortunately Rachel never made it to the shop and my life will never be the same again, rachel is my world and was my one.

I’ve never felt so lost in all my life, I’m still in shock I’m terrified of each day and I’m in the darkest place I have ever been.

I dont know what to do or how on earth I am going to cope. I’m scared as I know it is going to get alot lot worse.

I would like help or advice or anything that may be of any use at all. I cant eat I cant sleep, if I do sleep for any length of time waking up is like pressing the reset button and I’m back to uncontrollable crying. I dont see any say when I wont be crying.

My life has been turned upside down. Please help me.


I am so sorry that you find yourself here - in a group that none of us wanted to join. My husband went out for his evening run, collapsed and died in March. I got there too late, so no goodbye. When it is a sudden, out of order death the shock and confusion is horrendous. Even 8 months on my brain cannot understand how this could happen on what was an ordinary day. Take support from whoever you can. You can sign up for counselling here or with Cruse. Look at the website refugeingrief.com It’s written by someone who lost their partner suddenly so she knows what it’s like. Sometimes you just have to take it breath by breath and minute by minute. I tried to get out and walk every day - it did help. Physically putting one foot in front of the other reminds you that you have to keep plodding on. Grief has been described as waves - they keep coming but eventually they are less frequent or less intense. It will take time - time doesn’t heal but it helps you to be able to cope with it a little better. Take care

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Lost 2021
I know how you are feeling at first I was in shock and didn’t want to believe my husband had gone I’m not going to say it gets better because it hasn’t for me in fact I feel worse then ever my husband died in August and I think of him all the time . I’m sorry for your loss just take it one day at a time you will feel lots of different emotions over the following weeks and months. Have you got family and friends to help you? Most of my friends were there for me at the start but since funeral I haven’t seen them they get on with there lives and think because you’ve had funeral that’s it all over but it’s not for me never will be please get some help don’t deal with it all on your own like I did it’s affected my mental health trying to sort everything out by myself it’s bloody hard mate. Today I’m been feeling guilty just being alive while my dearest is lying in the ground. Take care my friend and read some of the other stories on hear it helps to know you are not alone xx


It surreal what’s going on. It’s only been 6 days but it couldve been yesterday or a month a go if that makes any sense, the world doesn’t feel real anymore.

The funeral isn’t until the the 16th of December and I’m obviously dreading the day. I know this doesnt sound right but I am looking forward to being able to see Rachel even though she will be in a coffin. I want to talk to her again and tell her how much I love her and to say goodbye. I went to identify Rachel with her dad on Sunday in the morgue and I keep telling myself that what has to come cant be worse than that but it will. After the funeral everyone lives will go on, they will go back to their partners and families as they should and I’ll be going home go my dogs without the love of my life.

I’m fortunate to have a good family behind me and friends too but by the sounds of what I’ve read so far and I have read alot on this site over the past few days, I’m about to find out who my true pals are. I am going to seek professional help as I know I do need it but I dont want to do that until the funeral is over as everything I do until that day is for my Rachel.

I cant believe what I’m typing, I cant believe that Rachel has been taken away from the world, she was only 33 and had her whole life in front of her.

Thank you for getting back to me and for sharing your awful stories. It is helping me reading the stories and for other people sharing theirs. Love to you all.

It does sound right about being able to see her again. I went to see my husband several times - I even spent our wedding anniversary with him at the chapel of rest. Being able to see him was the only ‘normal’ thing. Not being able to see him now just seems so wrong after seeing him all my life. Take your time to tell her all you want to.

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Hi @Lost2021,

I am so very sorry to hear about your girlfriend, Rachel and the tragic nature of her death. That is so very hard - the way you are feeling is completely understandable and normal.

Thank you for being so brave and for opening up on here - I really do hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support as you process what has happened and how you are feeling.

I thought it might be helpful to share some details of other organisations who are there to help in situations like yours - if you feel you are able, I would encourage you to reach out to them and/or have a look at their resources:

Road Peace support people who have been injured or bereaved by a road crash.
Sudden offers support after a sudden death - they have a number of useful resources including a quick-read wellbeing guide for bereaved people - you can also order free books on coping after a sudden death from their website.

Thank you again for starting this thread - please know that you are not alone. Thank you also to those of you who have taken the time to respond on this thread.

Take lots of care,

@Lost2021 so sorry that you have had to look for help, but glad you came here. You will still be in shock, and will experience all kinds of emotions going forward.
I was where you are a year ago. Life is still hard, some days are worse than others. I still cannot believe how suddenly my life unexpectedly changed overnight. I am not the same person I was before bereavement. It is a different life. I was happy with the old life. However, to give you hope, I am in a much better place now than I was a year ago, even though I still desperately miss my partner.
I found very special friends through this group, and they have helped me keep going. Bereaved people understand other bereaved people.
Please do not give out any personal information at the moment to anyone on here. You are vulnerable, and although I think most people are perfectly genuine, there could be people that are not. In time you will start to form a bond with others on here on the chats, which you may wish to talk to on private messaging etc, but for the moment you will probably benefit from reading the different threads. It helps you realise you are feeling normal thoughts in view of the situation you are in.
I don’t come on here often now, but was drawn to your post tonight.
There is no miracle that can avoid you having to go through this, but I promise you that in time you will find coping strategies. Try not to be too hard on yourself. If you feel you need help from your GP ask for it. I and many others have had to take several months off work in the early stages.
The funeral is likely to be a difficult day for you. You will somehow get through it for Rachel. A lot of people find the day after the funeral difficult. Try and have someone with you for part of that day if you can.
You may not feel like eating, but try and eat a little something 3 times a day. Maybe set an alarm to remind yourself. I nearly lost my sight through not eating, which would have been catastrophic. Cheese and biscuits, cereals or egg on toast are easy and quick.
Sending strength to you.

Hi wong,

Thank you for for your post.

It’s been 15 days now since the accident and I’m still in shock. I last saw rachel at 6:33pm on the 27th of November and by 6:35pm she was dead, its surreal just typing that but that’s reality and life really can change in a blink of an eye.

I have started eating although not much I am having my 3 meals a day, I’m drinking nothing but water and for the last 5 days I’ve dragged myself out of the house and walked fir 4/5 miles each morning. The funeral is on friday the 17th and I’m trying to be as mentally and physically fit as I can be but the whole situation is raw and I still cant process why she isn’t here but I do know Rachel is gone and as hard as it is that I won’t see her again, well not in this life anyway.

I’m terrified of the day after the funeral as people go back to their partners etc life will go on as it should do but not for me, I think this is when it will hit me hard and it does scare me. I will talk to a GP if need be. If I need help I will put my hand up as I know from reading threads on the site that going through this alone and not seeking help will back fire on me through time.

My work have been great and have told me to take as much time as I need which is really good of them. I work in a small office and everyone knew what Rachel meant to me.

Hearing you say you are in a much better place now really has given me hope and I thank you for that. I posted on another thread that at the moment I am having bad days and worse days.

Each morning I wake up I say Rachel please give me the strength to get through the day and I feel that she is. I know for a fact that Rachel would want me to get on with my life and be as happy as I possibly can be and although it’s hard today and the grief is unbearable, it cant be like this forever.

Thank you again so much wong and I hope that you continue to be in a better place.


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Hello Bryan, sorry to hear about the loss of your girlfriend.
Keep up the walking and the eating as you’ll need your strength to get through this.
Sometimes you might have to force yourself to eat or get up but it will be worth it when you have.
If help is offered then accept it as it may not be there in a month or two time, speak to your doctor if you need to.
I used to take every ten minutes at a time and I realise now I it was because I was so frightened of what may happen next if this life could take my wife from us.
Crying is normal mate, it’s been nearly nine months for me and I cry a lot still.
If you need to cry then cry.
Although we’re all on a similar journey each one is unique to ourselves and however you get yourself through this will be yours and you will.
As you say after the funeral people will go back to their lives and carry on as normal, you won’t so be prepared for that, that is when you may need counselling, hopefully you have a good support network like I have to see you along.
If not then chat on here, I haven’t been on a lot recently as my head’s been elsewhere but there always seems to be a good soul to listen to you.
It can be a very lonely road at times and can feel never ending and pointless, I’d like to say different but I’d be lying as its the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and nearly nine months on its just as hard and just as painful as it was when she went.
My thoughts are with you Bryan as you’ve got a big week ahead of you.
Try and stay strong but if you can’t then that’s alright as well as something like this would put the strongest person on their knees.
Take care man.

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