I’m autistic and afraid of life continuing basically. It’s been 4 years since I lost my stepdad and I am absolutely paranoid about losing my mum. It doesn’t help being so close to Christmas and all of the overwhelming feelings creep up again.
Logically because I’m breathing there must always be hope because essentially I’m alive.
What I’m afraid of is losing everything around me and losing control. Mum pays the rent and the bills. I’m 31, we are all on benefits. If the worst happens I’m terrified of becoming homeless, and not knowing what I’m going to do.
I keep trying to look for work, I want independence but I don’t have a support worker. I feel like a useless member of society because I’m not working. I force myself to apply for jobs, limited but a few.
I’m doing a course in Hartlepool a couple days a week. I’m trying to fill my time but I’m so emotionally empty and lost.
I can’t enjoy hobbies or little things. I’m so afraid of being able to enjoy things again. It’s like a guilt. I try to keep busy but I need more, whatever more is.
I get so stuck in the grief sometimes and then I get so hopeless in my life. It’s horrible feeling like this.
Hello I feel you are so brave to share how you are feeling. I think you are doing so well to do your best. If I was your mum I would be proud of you as I am proud of my son. I am a widow and my son is autistic and his dad and my husband died two years ago.
My son is on benefits and misses his dad who cared for him in lots of ways like managing his problems when they became overwhelming for him. Now I am trying but I am older myself and worry about the future. He is 45 and lives in a flat. His lives nearby but is married with three sons so it is hard. Helps.
You feel guilty if you enjoy life because your step-dad died 4 years ago. Got it.
Your step-dad wants you to live a full and happy life, not wallow in grief and anxiety over your own future.
Make a plan now for what you will do should your mom pass before you. Write it all down, in order, so you have a guide. You may have to sell everything and move, but only you can determine this.
Patience, have patience with yourself. It is more than okay to enjoy life after the death of a loved one. Otherwise, we would have a world full of joyless people.
You’re good. You’re thinking ahead. But, you are doing it without a plan. So, make a plan.
I think it’s making the plan that’s the hardest part. And knowing what I’m going to do because I don’t have much money or savings. I don’t have property or physical things except some bare minimum savings sub 5k.
Are there any support groups in your area? Could you Google and see whats available. Have you ever had a social worker? There is help out there. Take care
I’ve never had anything except a really crap care coordinator. Crap being the understatement. It’s really hard to get help when I’m seen as functioning
i know where you are coming from on thsi, we live in a council house, i am nearly 70 my son is 49, but if anything happens to me he is homeless and it terrifies me everyday. he couldnt afford a place on his own round where i live.
just cause you have a health problem doesnt mean you are useless, you are an important member of society
I think I associate being useless because I’m unemployed. But I wouldn’t do that mentality with another person. I hate my autism. There must be a way through this for both of our situations. I just wish I knew what to say for you
some people find it hard to get a job, depends what you are good at and sometimes where you live. autistic people are supposed to be very clever at things others arent, maybe find out. you sound operfectly normal to me maybe dont tell people you are autistic when applying for \ job.
Maybe you could volunteer. This could possibly boost your confidence and self-esteem. It would give you experience and also lead to employment. Good luck
You are are not a useless member of society . You are of great value to those you love and know you. Who you are is way more important than what you do and you need to keep telling yourself that .
Right ok, Jem! do you live in rented acconodation ? is it council or private !?
How long have you lived with mum ? I was in the same place as you until last August. If you lived with mum at the property more then 12 months then you should be able to apply to become tenant if the property.
Are you on Universal Credit ? Does mum have savings ? are you the only child ?
May I add if lived in rented property 12 months or more then you can apply for tenancy. You would get help with rent if savings below 16k on Universal Credit. You get discounts on Council Tax too. Single persons discount! Obviously you would need to set up direct debits on water and heating. There’s help out there with Citizens Advice too. Which can help with debt etc!
So I live in a home group rented house. I’m on old style ESA. I’m 31 so not a child. Live with mum and disabled stepbrother but plan already in place for him. My sister would adopt him but it’s my old hometown I can’t really go back.
Helps.