My older sister Jessy passed away at age 31. Her and I have a 13 year age gap so our bond resembled more a bond between mother and daughter. She would take on that role time to time with more tenderness and stability than my parents who have been on and off most off my life (separating/getting back together). We had a bond that I could never share with anyone else, it’s funny because she was nurturing but at times I would see her as my twin, we were similar in so many ways and would understand each other without even having to talk, just by looking at each other we new exactly what the other wanted to say. I looked up to her in so many ways.
So to put it simply: my sister is the only person I have ever truly trusted and relied on in my entire life. She passed away august 2023 after having an operation for a herniated disk (it is a very rare complication due to poor treatment). The hard part is, not hearing her tell me about her day, and having to reconsider my future plans without her in it…
I have no one to lean on, my friends being only 19 do not have the experience to understand what I am going through and tend to avoid the subject at all costs (I don’t blame them)
My parents are going through a divorce in the midst of all of this and I can’t lean on them for help because they are suffering as much as I am
This leaves me feeling so lonely, lost and to be honest I haven’t eaten properly in days. Nothing gives me pleasure anymore. And as scary as it may sound, I don’t want to live in a world where my sister isn’t in it. I no longer feel love, I am unable to maintain new relationships (friendships especially), the only thing keeping me here is my parents because I don’t want them to lose another daughter. I’m only 6 months in and I have the rest of my life to get through.
I really just need someone to talk to, who understands
Hello babelin, I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister. The grieving you’re going through is all too familiar for many of us here grieving our lost loved ones. As the initial shock and trauma wears off we experience loneliness, isolation, depression and anxiety in a new light, much more lucid and real than before when we were going through the motions in a daze or fog. It gets worse when we’re confronted with unwanted family issues, financial difficulty and life/relationships. The cruelest irony is that right after the loss of our loved one is when we find ourselves needing them most. Hang on babelin, your sister will always be in your heart. My heart goes out to you.
Hi @Babelin,
There is nothing like a love of a sister. Mine has only been passed three weeks and I dread to think how I’ll feel week, months, years on. I think you will be my inspiration that you can do it although its extremely hard. To lose a sibling and then also to deal with your parent’s divorce, I can’t imagine how all that feels. But reaching out to ask for help is huge and it shows your looking after yourself 
Grief brings in all sorts of emotion and everybody grieves differently.
Have you tried speaking with your parents? It may help o seek professional help, like a doctor or a therapist. Everybody is different but it may help. Just take each day as it comes. X
Hi Babelin
Im so so sorry for your loss and my heart goes out to you. Im heartbroken and devastated at the loss of my beautiful sister too . She died suddenly and totally unexpectadly on 7th february 2024 . Im still in shock and disbelief . I am missing her so so much . I cant imagine not having her in my life we were so close . 
I hope somehow you find the strength you need to cope now and in the future . I am struggling too but I am blessed to have much love and support from my family and friends . I hope you will stay on here and talk to these lovely people who know what you are suffering . Sending you lots of love and hugs 
xxx