I need her so much, I don't want to be without her.

I posted before about my mum. She died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism from DVT. She was fit and healthy and it was a complete shock. She was fine when she woke, went to the toilet, felt a bit funny so lay down and died just like that.
I just needed her so much. My little boy was/is unwell. When he was two he had an anal abscess and then a anal fistula. He would scream going to the toilet and the consultant suggested Crohn’s. It was confirmed when he was 4. I know there are children who are far worse than him and that he is generally well. But he has countless blood tests that he hates, had 9 general anesthetics, an NG tube up his nose and a milkshake diet, MRI scans, barium meals, colonoscopies etc. A couple of days after mum died he had his 4 front teeth removed because they had erroded due to acid reflux.
He takes immunosuppresant drugs that means he is immunosuppresed so we are having to shield him at the moment. When he started the drugs we sat and listened to all the possible side effects, including an increased risk of cancer. Throughout it I had my mum at all hospital appointments. My husband is lovely but avoids the hospital appointments. My mum always came with me and I just need her so much. She was my rock. I don’t want to be without her.
My sister has high functioning autism and has always relied on my mum. I’m apparently the strong one and I don’t know if anyone, even me at the time, knew how much a relied on my little mum. She’d get upset at the hospital appointments and I would tell her it was OK. My mum had suffered since her parents passed with things from her past. She worked hard to overcome them and told me two days before she died that she had come to terms with everything and had never been happier. She had lost a baby boy before I was born (I was her rainbow baby) and she was very sad about my son. She said his Crohn’s was the only thing that she would want to change but she had accepted it. I miss her so much. Sorry for the long post.

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Hi lisa
I’m so sorry to hear about your mum. Losing my mum has been the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I still cry most days or am on the verge of crying and it’s been 10 months.
I think all you can do is take each day as it comes. You are doing really well even if it doesnt feel like it. My mum brought up my daughter with me. She foesnt have any health issues but I needed my mum so much practically and emotionally.
I dont think we will ever come to terms with what has happened (mine went into hospital for an overnight stay to have a medical procedure and had a massive brain hemorrhage whilst she was there)
All we can hope is that we eventually learn to live without them. Is there anyone else that can help you more? It sounds overwhelming dealing with your sons health problems and your sister as well.
Cheryl x

Thanks for your reply. I almost feel like I need her now more than ever and I am angry that she was taken from me.
I have three kids, 7, 6 and 4. My mother in law in my main child care when in work (we employ her as a cleaner as well so suits everyone) but that is a formal arrangement. I have my Dad but he has his wife and my half brother and if he is honest his wife gets jealous so it’s not easy to rely on him. Plus my brother also has autism and is 22 and very dependent on them.
My step dad is wonderful and puts us before everything. But he is suffering having lost the love of his life so suddenly. I really should rely on my husband but he is just not good at it. Hopefully he will step up more now xxx

I understand your anger lisa.
I feel anger too that my mum has been taken. I thought she would go on for another 15 to 20 years and that my daughter, who has just turned 13 has lost her beloved nanny.
Dont be frightened to ask for help and lean on your husband more.
Things will get better x

It is so unfair on them. My grandma was my best friend growing up. I feel so lucky to have had such inspirational female figures in my life. But now I feel I have to be everything for my kids (especially my oldest daughter who is just like me).
I’m also so worried about my stepdad. He is completely heartbroken x

I dont have that worry lisa. My dad died 21 years ago.
Can you talk to him? Is he a talker? I know alot of men, particularly the slighter older generation arent good at talking.
That’s what I miss most about my mum. Just sitting having a chat over a cup of tea or a nice pub lunch.
I dont have the same conversations with my partner or daughter.

Yeah he is a talker. He’s a very sensitive and kind. He was 8 years younger than my Mum so is only 57 (and he looks a lot younger than that). They were married 30 years and they really were soul mates. They loved being together, they would have been perfectly happily in lockdown together. He was there when she died, phoned me up unable to breathe whilst the paramedics tried to save her. She kissed him and told him she loved him and went to the bathroom and the next minute she couldn’t breathe.

It must have been hard for your mum when your dad died xxx

It was hard, my dad had a massive heart attack aged 53. But my sister was expecting her first baby who was born 3 months to the day that dad died and mum threw herself into looking after 4 grandchildren from then on.
Also we did so much together. We travelled and went out together everywhere. Then I had my daughter and life was complete. Losing her last year was and still us such a shock. Although my mum was 74 and yours was younger. She died very young. Life is very unfair x

I hope when this lock down is over he will find happiness in his grandchildren. They all love him so much xxx

Hi all, like you I feel angry, I lost my mom 6 months suddenly to a brain aneurysm. She was my rock, did everything together. I still keep crying, still in shock and get angry with why she was taken away from me after losing dad three years ago. The only thing that keeps going is knowing she is with dad now as she missed him so much. I have a loving partner, but no kids. My sister doesn’t live by me. I get lonely she was my life. I’m feeling worse at the mo with the lockdown, going out to work gave me a routine and I had people around me, but now working at home I think of her a lot more. Xx

I’m so sorry for your loss. I just always thought I would be ready when she went. My grandparents had both been ill and saw them grow old. I don’t know what it would be like for her to have been ill but I just can not accept she is gone when she was so full of life xxx

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