Hi all, I know this is a safe space and I feel you can all relate to the following…. I sadly lost my husband in August last year so I’m coming up on the anniversary of his passing soon. I turned 40 earlier this month and whilst I’ve been keeping calm and carrying on I’m getting annoyed with my parents. I love them and I’m so incredibly grateful for their support and help this past year but they keep telling me to “stop living in the past and move on” and I’m getting ever closer to blowing up on them and screaming “I’m sorry when did YOUR SPOUSE PASS AWAY?!?!?! Oh that’s right, you’ve had an entire lifetime together! This isn’t a break up, he died! We got 11 years together, 11 friggin years!! I got robbed of my future but yeah, let me download hinge and get on with finding another unicorn” it just makes me so mad every time and I haven’t got the heart to say anything so I just quietly simmer and let it all out into my diary or my pillow. I know they are worried that I’ll be lonely and alone the rest of my life but I mean come on!?! At least give me some damn time. Until I met Lee I was happy being single, I just need some time and space to grieve my grief before even contemplating another man sharing my space and my life.
Anyway, if you got this far thank you and thanks for allowing me to rant.
You’re allowed to rant.
We all need a safe place to blow up.
Can you try and talk calmly to your parents and explain how you feel.
Take care x
I am so sorry for the insensitive things that have been said to you, I’m sorry you have had to go through that. There is no timescale for grief and we all need to cope in our own way. You’re entitled to rant and it’s healthy to share these emotions and not bottle them up
Sending hugs- very difficult for you. They want you to be happy and are trying to fix it. They have no idea what you are going through. So forgive them and rant at us instead. We get it.
you will never forget him and never replace him. X
Hey @Shazzy23
You have been dealt such a shitty hand - I’m so sorry you are having to deal with all this at such a young age.
As a parent, a child and a recent widow I can understand how frustrated you must be with them.
I can only say that they have absolutely no idea what you are going through. Sadly one of them will in the future, and they sadly will then have a sense of realisation of what you are experiencing.
As a parent though it will be incredibly hard to see your pain and distress and I think they would do whatever it takes to make you happy again. They maybe just think a replacement will make it all fine - we know that’s not the answer.
I have 4 kids who have lost their dad out of time ( he aged 56 - they are aged between 16- 24 ) and the pain I feel for them as they experience something they shouldn’t have had to at such a young age hurts me more than you can imagine. I carry their grief as an additional burden on top of my grief.
Try and be honest with your parents - tell them you need time and support- and tell them what you don’t need also.
My mum just tells me that it never gets any better and is so negative I can hardly bear to speak to her anymore. I’ve told her that doesn’t help and to stop saying it but she still just loads me down with her woes.
She is so consumed by her grief ( 7 years on) she can’t function any more.
Please try to look after yourself at this awful time. And be kind to yourself.
And vent all you need to on here.
We all understand and there’s plenty of kindness and support when you need it.
Xxx
Well done for ranting, we all need to rant !
If you are getting angry ( and rightly so) it may be a good idea to write a letter to your parents, they can read your letter at leisure, discuss it between them and hopefully understand you and your situation better.
Nobody can understand how terrible it is to loose a life partner and they think we just get better and stop grieving, they do not understand that we grieve because we loved them so much and grieving will never stop we just build our lives around our grief.
I hope you can resolve the situation and get them to understand. There are things on the internet that you could maybe get them to watch or listen to ( if they are open to that sort of thing) that will explain how to support someone who is grieving the loss of a spouse ( which is considered the worst loss ).
Keep posting on here too 
I think that the hardest thing for me is that, once I had someone who loved me so very much. He told me often that the best thing he ever did was asking me out. I made him so happy, that I was great because I let him do what he needed to to do (ie band practice 3 x weekly) and never made a fuss. He wanted to be with me all the time, he was like a homing pigeon, whenever he was between jobs and when he’d finished for the day he came to mine, to be with me. I was so happy and content at last, as he was. Whether we were sitting on the sofa together watching crap, or listening to a band play in a pub, we were happiest simply being with each other. And then it was all finished in a literal heartbeat.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. But like everyone else here, I know that I need to carry on somehow until this fog finally lifts and I can once again see some light.