Today is the 2nd anniversary of losing my husband and I am struggling. Some friends remembered and sent me messages but there are quite a few I haven’t heard from. I am hurt as these are the people who I thought were friends, I have been there for them and a couple of them I sent cards on their husband’s anniversaries. Another friend messaged me to say “I hope you are ok, I’m off on holiday but if you want to talk I’m back next Wednesday” My daughter and sister sent me flowers and wanted to take me out for dinner but I couldn’t face sitting with them and their husbands with me on my own. I would have put on my usual act of being ok and listened as my sister tells me about her holiday, her expensive beauty treatments and her busy social life. I am told that it’s good I’m keeping busy with all my voluntary work but I’m only doing that as I am so lonely. Everything seems to be going wrong around the house and quite a few jobs need doing but I don’t have the money to get them done, my brother in law said he would sort one of the problems out 5 weeks ago but I am still waiting…. I thought life would get easier but I feel it is getting worse and worry is this what I’ve got to put up with for the rest of my days - loneliness, no money and a house that is falling to pieces
@Mandy28 sorry to hear you’re struggling. I’m only 5 weeks on this journey but I already feel overwhelmed with house etc. It’s awful having to be responsible for everything. There’s so many things my husband would have dealt with and I’m clueless. Life is cruel. Sending hugs
Dear Mandy
I’m so sorry you had such a difficult day. It’s so, so hard.
I’m 8 months 16 days in, and everything is getting harder for me.
The more others forget, move on, assume I’m okay, the harder and more lonely it gets.
I’m dreading my husband’s first anniversary in August, which is also only one day before our wedding anniversary.
Sending you , and everyone else love and hugs 
What you describe really resonates with me, I find it really hard to describe after 3 years where I’m at. I am coping better, I’m not crying all the time & happy memories come before sad ones. The hardest part is because you put on that brave front & appear to be getting on, moving forward people think you’re ok, you’ve got over it. No one unless they’ve been through it will ever understand that you never get over it, you learn to live alongside the pain & the grief.
I remember something the doctor said very early on, I’d gone for a sick note for work, everyone else even your grown up children have still got their lives, their future hasn’t really changed. Your life as it was has ended, your future uncertain. That’s the thing that is difficult for anyone else to understand.
Sending love & strength to you
Thank you Jodel172 your message really resonates with me and your doctor’s words are so right. No one really knows what it’s like until they have walked in our shoes.
When someone in your life dies, not only do you lose them, you lose yourself.
Sending love to you xx
Your doctor is spot on… Losing your partner literally changes everything in your whole life, how you eat or not,
how you dress, how you watch TV or not, how you shop or not, how you sleep or not, how you socialise or not, how you visit family and friends or not… the list is endless…I know you all get it.
The bit of advice my doctor gave me on day 1 was …
“Try to eat , try to sleep and avoid people who will drain you emotionally.”
8 months 16 days on, that is still advice to I need to remember to follow!
Hugs to you all
@Cathphil thank you for those words of wisdom. Sending hugs x
Very early days for you, so heartbreaking. Sending you a big hug 
x
Aw mandy i feel for you … i jope things get better. Dont put too much pressure on yourself. Be kind to yourself honey - youre doing ok xxx
Yeh your words are so very true ! Even grown up kids still got their future as you say - ours has changed forever and god knows what road ahead is ? Its actually quite scary ! I was thinking other day thst if i get ill i wont have my husband to look after me will i ? In a way he was lucky cos i looked after him so well ! I gave him everything i had X
Can so relate lovely. Everyone wants a piece of us when it suits THEM. I’ve had comments from ‘well you must have know he would have died before you being 22 years older’ to ‘you’re young enough to find someone else’ to ‘depending on where we are and what we will be doing, you can come and stay with us at Christmas’ I devoted my life to my husband. Now its time to devote my life to me. Ive put a deposit on a coach trip to Costa Brava for this Christmas. Never been on a trip without my beautiful Mick but im damned if im gonna spend it at home, alone, with the most awful memories of our last Christmas together. It was just horrific. No help until New Years Day when he collapsed, was stretchered out of our home and never returned. So less than 10 weeks after ive lost the love of my life, my soul mate, ive booked a trip. Never travelled alone. I have to do this. I dont know what the hell im doing but I have to do this, run away from the memory of the worst Christmas ever, my poor husband suffering so much, it was exhausting for both of us. My trip alone wont be a holiday. Far from it. It will be me escaping a heartbreaking memory and hopefully making my husband proud by putting one step in front of the other. Wherever I go, he will forever be with me in love, heart, soul, spirit and mind. I love you my beautiful, brave, gorgeous Mick xxx