My beautiful darling pauline I didn’t get to say goodbye or be with you when you passed I never saw it coming I thought they would get you better and you would come home it had been a week since I had seen you because they moved you to a surgical ward and visitors weren’t allowed there are so many things I would have said if I had known I always told you I loved you I am so sorry for anytimes I hurt you or let you down things I said in anger during arguments you gave me a reason to live you gave me unconditional love you made me a better woman your smile would light up a room you light up my life I love you with every beat of my heart every breath I take I have never known love like this or pain like this my every thought is of you I long for you all the time you are so kind gentle loving you would help anyone this world is a sad place without you I’m so sorry my mental health issues impacted on our life together so much one of your brothers once said I wasn’t good enough for you people have said that about me my whole life since you died I have been thinking he was right I wasn’t good enough I’m sorry you deserved so much better than me yet you loved me even with all my faults you my babe are truly the best part of me and I will carry you with me always my love for you is eternal a few weeks before you died I asked you to marry me in my heart you are my wife you gave me the best and happiest years of my life I’m sorry for time I wasted during covid I didn’t even kiss you or hold you because you were the one who stayed in because we were both high risk I had to go out to get shopping and stuff and I was afraid of catching it or having it and not knowing and passing it on to you I was trying to protect you and keep you safe but I lost you anyway and now I can never hold or kiss you again I’m so so sorry I thought we had so much longer please know I love you I want you I need you I miss you and I will always love you I hope and pray that one day soon we will be reunited my heart my soul my life is yours forever you are and always will be the love of my life my one and only soulmate be at peace beautiful you gave me so much thankyou pauline for loving me never giving up on me making me feel worthwhile my heart is broken as am I but I’m still trying for you baby and our furbabies you fly high my angel I love you 
xxxxx forever
I couldn’t be with my Lenny either, as he died from Covid. He could only speak a few breathless words. He told me which grade of gas to use in the car. He told me where he kept his favorite recipes that I loved. I guess he knew he wasn’t going to make it.
I know your heartbreak. I wish you peace.
@Barb11 hi barb I am so very sorry for your loss this journey of grief that we are now on is so hard I’m sorry you didn’t get to be with lenny or say goodbye my thoughts are with you I do hope you find some peace I find at least on here people understand and I feel a little less alone stay safe and take care sending hugs x
Thanks Casey. I’m so glad I found this community. It’s helped me tremendously. Just to know there are people feeling my pain and loss makes me feel less alone.