I recently lost my dad 3 mouths ago he had been ill for years i started caring for him at 13 years old he was such an amazing person the best person i knew in my life if i had any struggle he was the person i could go to.
He spoiled me even if we had no money he would try his best to make sure i got everything i needed and get me stuff i didnt even expect before he passed he even got me a kitten i cryed so much i wanted one for ages lol
Me and my dad also had a problem with sleeping at night we would stay up and watch a movie or talk about our problems with eachother he would make up and sing songs that where really random but they make me laugh he was my strength threw everything i even said to him i dont know what i would do if anything ever happens to you then about 2 weeks later he was rushed to hospital he had a really bad infection he was easily prone to them he had sceptice he was getting better i was with him every day from 8am to 12am i watched him he was getting better they where talking about moving him down to a diffrent ward then he got wprse he was sick in his oxagen mask he swallowed it and it went in to his lungs they said they would try his mask agaon if he feels likes hes going to be sick take it off and if thay happens there is nothing we can do so i watched him with my older brother being there he tapped me and told me to take it off he was going to be sick i tane it of and he was sick on me i rushed out and got a nurse they toke of his life support and said he didnt have long to life i phoned up my mum and my other brother who lifes with me currently ti come to the hospital now they came and not 10 minutes later he was struggling to breath and then he passed.
I was in hysterics i couldn’t believe my dad had died not long befpre he was spaking and saying im fighting so hard to life then he died even 3 mouths later i cant believe it i feel like i dont want to live anymore if hes not here how am i supposed to go on im 17 years old soon 18 i dont get along with my mum but i currently care for her fpr her mental health but i sometimes dont know how i can go on anymore my biggest life support is not here anymore i cant help but think if i had done things diffrent would he still be here i know for a fact my dad would be shouting at me for thinking these things he would want me to life on he always said the reasin he fights is becouse im there with him how am supposed to go on thought if hes not here with me im so lost i keep having dreams of him fighting to life for him to die im trying to keep living for i know thats what my dad wants i try to think positively but then sometimes that negative side comes and i just want to cry but sometimes i just cant cry like ive cried all the tears i can i really just dont know what to do anymore i miss him so much.
Im sorry for this rant if u read all this thank you so much! 
