I said goodbye to my darling Mark yesterday

My darling husband of 18 years died suddenly at 4am on 8th December from sepsis and multiple organ failure. It all happened so fast and is still so vivid in my mind. My son and I were with him. He knew he was seriously ill but told me he wasnt going to die. Although he passed away 4 hours later I hold those words in my heart - he will never die because he will always be with me in our beautiful memories and the live and devotion we shared. He made me do happy.
Mark’s funeral was yesterday and it was a beautiful celebration of his life and so many friends came to support us.
Today I wake not knowing or understanding how I am going to carry on my life without him with me. I want to be positive and look to the future but I don’t know how I will ever feel happy like we used to be.

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Hello @Markswife, I am so very sorry for the loss of your darling husband. Most of our members have experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you through your grief journey.

  • Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief.

  • Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS. It can also send messages to friends and family to enable them to support you.

  • Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat

  • Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through .

Take good care @Markswife and keep reaching out.

Seaneen

@Markswife ,

I am sending you loads of love, my friend. You have been through a nightmare and the road we are all walking together, is a long one. My brother died of multiple organ failure 4 years ago and my husband died in January this year, from a particularly aggressive cancer. I know how you feel about not knowing or understanding how it will be possible to carry on. I felt the same - not knowing who I am now, after my husband died. Somehow, and slowly, I started to get to know myself all over again. It is hard for sure, but I put on foot in front of the other each day and walk in to my new life without him. He remains close, I am sure of that, and this helps me a lot. Take care and go easy on yourself through the Christmas holidays and New Year, take it all at your pace and do as you need right now. x

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I like your post i think it is encouraging forvtge future i believe time will heal. We will never forget but we will kearn to live another life .

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Hi
It is so hard tho as we yearn and ache for the life we have lost
Hugs to everyone who for each day is so so hard
I yearn for my Paul from morning till night
Passed away 24 th July 2022 10 days after we moved
Heartbreaking
Xx

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@
markswife
I understand how you feel. I lost my husband fairly suddenly just before Christmas in 2020. I lived in a daze for many weeks. I don’t know how I survived. Now 2 years later I am still here but struggling with this time of year. I think I always will. I try to look forward to the summer but it’s not always easy. I am lucky to have a super family and I hope you and everyone else on herr does too.

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i lost my hubby in oct unexpected. I know how youre feeling. I love him desperately.He was my soulmate we met at 12 and married late teens married 35 yrs. im broken too. take it one day at a time.dont rush just eat,rest,do a few jobs then rest again. you and the family need to heal and its gonna take a long time. xmas will be hard for us all too. i know ill never love again the way i adored my hubby …i dont even want to think of that. here is a good place to get an understanding of the pain and struggles of bereavement and find ways to cope, i think you will find the site and these wonderful people a big comfort because i know i do . love and thoughts go out to you and your family xx

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Yesterday I brought my darling Mark’s ashes home. He is next to me on the bedside cabinet - I know he will watch over me as I sleep and keep my safe and loved, as he always did
I feel some sort of calm that he is now with me and always will be.
My heart is broken and our dreams shattered but I can talk to him and tell him all. He will be with always.:two_hearts:

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Hi im Jane

I hope its ok to pm you.
I read your post and it was so similar to whats happened to me.
Mike my Husband died 30th oct from multiple organ failure from sepsis. Its such a fast killer. He was 55.
Had the funeral end of nov.
Im now living day to day. Some days bearable and some not so.
I really feel for you.
Life just sort of ends for us too doesnt it.
Big hugs xx

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Hi JaneD
Spot on …… the day Paul died 24th July 2022 my life ended
It’s so true our life with our loved one ended…… final
I don’t want a new life I want my old life back …… sadly no
I too have some of Paul’s ashes here ( the rest in the churchyard which I visit)
I talk to him cry the lot
It’s shit basically
But folks on here listen read respond and understand
Take care
Xx

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Bess1

Same for me. We buried Mikes ashes in his Mum and Dads grave in a beautiful cemetery in our old home town, but ive kept some in a keepsake box. I also have a scatter box and ive booked to go alone to Plymouth friday to spread some ashes in the sea there on new years eve. It was our special place, he went to art college there and we visited many times. I feel like i will be spending new years eve alone with him and i am looking forward to it even though it will be hard.
I dont want to stay home and have my children feel obliged to stay in with me.
Hope you are ok xx

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Heiio
Similarly i lost my wife of 52 years Marriage on 5th Dec. 2022 from lung cancer. It’s absolutely a horrible place to be. My mind has been busy in foing other things which has distracted my slightly from those events. Howevet the other day I had a “wobble” in that it all began to get too much. Then for some reason being the time of year that it is I consoled myself thinking "she’s been invitef to the Gteatest Birthfay party. For some reason thinking this has eased the pain? Although i am hoping it stays that eay? (Think my invitation has got lost in the pist) ? Lol just fo what you have to to get through the day. Fon’t try plan too far ahead. Live for each day as it comes. That is all that i can do at prrsrnt. Good luck. & sincetly hope ypur pains ease. God Bless

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Hi @Stes
I am so sorry that you have lost your dear wife such a short time ago. My husband passed away suddenly 3 days later and in some ways it feels like a lifetime but the raw emotion tells me otherwise. I knew today wasnt going to be easy but it is better than expected and people have been checking in with us and there is a Christmas meal being delivered very soon by one of my best friends.
What a fantastic thing to imagine that your wife is at the greatest birthday party - do you imagine her party frock and how she had her hair etc. Hope she enjoyed a good celebration and party.
I told my Mark off for not being here to make me our customary Christmas morning scrambled eggs and smoked salmon!
I think we should keep on imagining scenarios and having those conversations with our loved ones because they haven’t left us as they are close in our hearts and minds.
Take care and be kind to yourself x

You too. Whatever gets you through it. Tale care & stay safe

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Welcome ste
Yes it’s bloody hard we’ve lost our DNA…….
Lost Paul 24th July 2022 …… he lived Christmas
I’ve missed him today ( as every day)
A huge loss
I feel he’s still with me…… feel alone
Take care
Xx

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Hi Bess1
Agree entirely, however, my wife was “taken” from us after Lies , Denial & being kept in the dark by Professionals? She was put on the “gold Standard Framework” by our G.P. which was never fully explained to us?
My wife was in need of Meds. The E.O.Life came & asked her would you like to go into the Hospice for 2 days Respite? Bitterly opposed to a hospice she declined, however, the E.O.L nurse carried on “well its only 2 days & you’ll be home, it’s just while they level your Med out. Plus there are Dr’s, Burses, Scanners & all Meds that you don’t have at home”.
My wife then agreed but only that she would be home in 2 days.
Cutting a long story short, a Dr there on the first time of seeing my wife started the E.O.Life protocol. 4 day later my wife died?
Nothing was explained to any of us, she was not given Liquids or Nutrition just the drugs Liquid Morphine & Midazolam. (which is used on death row inmates in the U.S,)?
Despite ALL my wife,s insistence of going home etc—was just completely ignored. All this we have found out since & I am trying but at present to get answers to all the questions I have . without success as they all appear to have closed ranks.
I intend however to still carry on in my quest.
So for me I am dealing with the loss of my wife + having the extra stress of knowing she was taken —too early.

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Stes

Im so sorry i can only imagine how much worse things have been made for you.
Its not the same but i found out following a phone call from the hospital that the pain killers they used to help my Husband, probably had a large part in him dying. They didn’t use morphine as he had kidney disease and it could have damaged them more but if they had of used morphine he could still be alive allbeit on kidney dialysis. He wasnt given the choice and im finding that very hard.
I think it helps to focus on being angry and trying to get to the bottom of things but ultimately you need to try and find some peace and heal.
Its so difficult and i do hope you get your answers.
Take care
Jane

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Thanks for your response Jane D. My attention is now focussed on trying to climatize myself after recent events as I have highlighted the downside of G.S.F. using a page on face book where people can see what their options are IF a G.P. puts them on it. It allows for people to think twice before automatically going into a Hospice/Hospital where the end result is a road to termination despite their wishes.
Now I am concentrating on myself & apart from a couple of “wobbles” i am hopeful that I may be able to adjust to life without my late wife?
Again Thanks.