Music helps me greatly.
1 Like
I was dreading the 1st anniversary too, which was a few weeks ago, and it was mums birthday the week beforeā¦ I wanted to do so much in memory but in the end I just spent it at home with my immediate family. I bought a cake and cards on mums birthday and on the anniversary I went on a walk with my siblings, ate mumās favourite food and a prayer in memory (although Iām not religious my mum was) it was a tough time especially mentally/flashbacks etc.
I would say donāt put too much pressure on yourself to do something on the anniversary x I had built it up so much in my head and I ended up doing basic things which was actually better for me.
Best wishes x
Yeah your right, basic. Think your right about the pressure I never even thought of it think I am putting myself
I am mentally tired and emotionally as it the start of the week of that day.
I am feeling numb and empty. Mentally as well reliving last year, shouldnāt couldnāt wouldnāt could I have done better, and continually fashback of my father passing.
I am glad to know I am not on my own, feeling like this.
Grief is such complex process .
1 Like
I am so sorry for your loss. I was with my mum while she was dying of a massive heart attack. And i witnessed her dying on the floor in front of me.
1 Like
I am also feeling that way, what else could I have done different at the hospital, did I push the doctors enough as there were major delays. Then also as my mum was bedridden and couldnāt leave the home, I feel guilty I couldnāt move her to better accommodation so she could at least have fresh airā¦ she deserved so much more. We werenāt aware that cancer could spread to the bones and spine, I feel angry at doctors not explaining it could happen later on once the initial cancer had been treated.
Numbness and flashbacks - I get them all the time too. Also I washed my mum and clothed her before the funeral, constantly get flashbacks of that, but I am also glad I got to do that- itās part of my culture and I wouldnāt want anyone else to do it.
I donāt know how we are going to navigate through life now, Iām happy I found people like you too, it feels so lonely but being here makes you realise your feelings are valid and real, itās not me being a drama queen or over sensitive.
1 Like
And sorry for the long messages/essays!
The week will be draining, take it a moment at a time, sleep as much as you can, eat, drink, go for walks if you canā¦ itās tiring having emotional pain, sometimes I feel like Iāve ran a marathon when I havenāt actually done anything physically strenuous
1 Like
Sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you.
feeling like that to, it the what if. My dad had cancer very rare one. there wasnāt much support at all from the doctors dad came home local support was up and down. Really are left on on your own to deal with things.
Woke up this morning feeling weird cause the week is here I had been counting it.
Will be going to places were dad loved as he enjoyed volunteering and I followed him in doing so. The people there will remember him.
I am finding it difficult without dad has I relied on him I just didnāt realised how much and as a adult was totally spoiled. Maybe mum lost to as dad took control. Anxiety has increased incredibly bout everything what if something happens I am able to cope with it. Just day at a time I say to myself it be ok. Defo not the same person grief has changed me so much.
1 Like
Youāre right about the help and support, in reality there isnāt enough help. I had a lot of issues with getting help from adult social services and transport in particular.
Thatās a lovely idea to go to the places your dad volunteered, hope that gives you some comfort x
We will never be the same, such an important person has left us, it can never be the same. We were blessed to have them in our livesā¦ but I know that pain is relentless
One day at a time is all we can do, really wish you well this week in particular 
Hi, i am 6 months down the line from my mum passing in march this year. I too was with my mum 24/7 for the last 4 days, i daily have flashbacks of the entire time, i close my eyes i see it all, i struggle to fall asleep on an evening when my husband is working night shift. I feel very much numb and on a rollercoaster with very frequent tidal waves of tears and panic. I returned back to work after mums funeral with no support. I am definitely a different person to who i was in march. I try to take each day as it comes, everyone says it will āget easierā in time, i am thinking i will never be able to unsee any of it. I think i have PTSD so now for the first time in my life i am starting bereavement counselling in the next two weeks with sue ryder i am praying this is going to help me.
I would say to you, i completely understand how you are feeling, you need to do whatever is best for you. Maybe try counselling as i dont think anyone would be able to process what happened on their own and need help from somewhere.
Physically my hair started to fall out when i washing it approx 3 months ago, anxiety, stress and blood pressure are all over the place. My physical and mental state has been well and truly crushed.
On a positive note i try to focus on the fact i was with my mum and never left her, as i had promised her. I know my mum would not want me to feel like this.