I have been on this site for a while and I read thru the post to see if I can help or be helped. Like many on here I have had the suicidal thoughts, the grief, the anger, the hopelessness, the intense loneliness, the fear, so many emotions, like others I have had the manic obsession with the future, the confusion of coping alone, the intense highs and lows. So many feelings my mind body and soul are run ragged. BUT if you had of told me that months on I would be able to cope, I would have called you a liar shouted at you that I wouldn’t and that you didn’t understand. I have learnt so much about human nature, family friends but most importantly myself. For people that are feeling all these emotions and are still so very very raw I would like to say, you are not alone people on here understand, thru all your rants raves tears and fears there is a helping understanding hand here to help hold and hug and to let you know that your path forward will become clearer not easier as everyone’s journey is different but you don’t have to walk it alone but you and only you can take the first step. X I posted this because I read thru my early posts and I cried for myself and I realised what steps I have taken to heal. X
I just dipped into the site, and saw your touching post. “Thank You” Silverlady. You said what I needed to hear. My loss is a bit over a year on, and I still often feel trapped in that blinding fog, stumbling in the darkness. I am grateful for the beacon of light your heartfelt words brought to me today. I needed the reminder that I am not alone, and we can lift each other. Blessings to you sweet Silverlady. Xxx Sister2
Sister2 thank you for understanding my words. Time is irrelevant when it comes to grief, people often think your grief is just about the past in my mind it’s also the grief for the future you won’t have with that person, your sister annoying you pinching your make up, nights out, silly fights but if god help anyone that said anything wrong about them. I understand your loss ( I lost my big brother when I was 16 he was 21 with a new baby). I’m too many years away from his loss but even now I still feel it, it’s a heavy burden that doesn’t get lighter, you just get used to carrying it. Take care x
I understand, Silverlady, what I cannot understand is the fact that half my family (sister, nephews and nieces) have cut me off. I didn’t receive one acknowledgement of Stan’s illness( this was because he wouldn’t give his permission for putting the details on Facebook) and I respected his wishes. Even after he had passed, there was no acknowledgement of his death from any of them (my relatives, apart from one). I am so utterly disgusted with them, I do not want any further contact. am I right to feel so hurt? Stan was a kind and generous man and we used to take our nephews and nieces, and my sister all over the place.
Hi MaryL you have ever right to feel how you do BUT one thing I have learnt is that we expect everyone to react/think the way that you yourself would react, we are not all decent people. Whilst I understand your anger/confusion at these people, I had similar problems I suddenly realised I was angry because I felt their reactions was an insult to my hubby, anger at how dare they treat him like that and indeed me, then my common sense kicked in I realised that by still being angry at them (who it made no difference to) I was only hurting myself and it was stopping me from moving forward. I don’t know how long it has been for you but I found the best thing for me was to write it down in a letter all my negative thoughts anger hurt betrayal, she’d a lot of tears, then I burnt it, 6months on I still don’t talk to them and it no longer matters to me, if you feel there is a way forward with theses people you can only pursue it if you let go of the anger, for your sake not theirs. Let them carry the weight of their behaviour that is their burden not yours. I hope you find peace no matter what path you take. X
Good morning lovely ladies, this thread and “I’m tired” thread have really resonated with me and have lifted my spirits which haven’t been great recently. Thought I’d share a link you may like to view. http://t.ted.com/qGOpLiu . Watched it this morning and felt less alone. Thanks for your uplifting posts. Cx
Morning Cristal
Yes I was given this link in my early stages and I agree about not moving on but forward, two steps back one step forward right. I have decided to take the approach of not saying I miss my hubby more that I see him, I see him in the programmes we watched, the places we went, I see him in the things that we purchased together the memories that go along with these things. I see him and feel his arms when I wear his jumpers , I feel his lips when I use his cup, I prefer to deal with this rather than say I miss him I prefer to feel him around me. This may sound daft but it has helped me move forward, I acknowledge his death, he died, I acknowledge the loss, I feel it but more importantly for me I acknowledge the tremendous love, friendship and companionship that we shared, and whilst I miss the physical body I cannot miss the essence of him because I have it still in his love. Bit preachy sorry but I don’t believe in God but I believe in our love. For me it is allowing a slow burning peace to appear slowly with ups and downs but it us happening. X
Well said Silverlady. Thank you. Up and on for another day. I have just finished binge watching Life on Mars and Ashes to Ashes. A child in the 70s and a teen in the 80s. Although brutal in parts I found it very entertaining and seeing and hearing the “memoriablia” reminded me of where my sense of self comes from. We are the sum of our experiences and we take them with us into new chapters. Just a bit scared start mine yet!! Cx
Cristal think we are a similar age lol life was so much simpler then lol oh I am bricking it every day throws something at me and I hear his voice saying duck or catch lol. We are stronger than we think, we just have to believe it, this I say as I have just been up a bloody big ladder to change a security light bulb, take care x
thanks for sharing this link, it is so accurate. Right now im very sad and low and it has helped me focus x
Berniea
I am sorry for your loss. Other people on here do understand and we help each other in sometimes a small way sometimes in a big way x
It appears I am the only man to respond to this thread. What can I say but thank you all. You are a lovely lot. I bet I’m not the only one to have spirits lifted by all your posts.
Ladies, I bow to your love and compassion. Bless you all. Love and hugs.
Jonathan you were the first person to reach out to me on this site, it is I that thank you, even in our grief our true natures will out. I am happy if one of mine/our post makes you smile. Take care x
I’ve also been watching Sorry for your loss on Facebook watch. A very different scenario from mine but helpful all the same. You take care folks. Cx
Eloquently and movingly put .
Thank you
Thank you x
This weekend I played a game with my children and friends where we all wrote words on bits of paper, in a hat shuffle shuffle then we picked out the words, these words were connected to memories we had of hubby,dad and friend .
I heard stories about my hubby that had me laughing crying and immensely proud, even in death I learnt new things about my hubby, made me miss him even more but also made me so happy others knew the real him much more than I thought. X
I so understand how you feel regarding your relatives. I have had the same thing happen to me by Brian’s family and his daughters, not one word since the funeral in November. Brian was a kind considerate man and would never have wanted to be needy, no more than I do. I have written and telephoned but never got one reply. I asked, no, begged his daughters and grandchildren to grieve along with me for the man that we loved. Sent his sister all his painting equipment which she wanted, there must have been well over a thousand pounds worth but not one word from her since. How rude.
We don’t like social media so never used it but Brian would not have his illness discussed with anyone, so there was only me that knew. When he was dying I asked his permission daily to let me inform his daughters how ill he was but he wouldn’t. He wanted them to visit because they wanted to and not because they was being summoned to his death bed. It hurts because he was a good man that didn’t want to burden anyone with his problems. How I would like to tell them what I think of them but have now calmed down and decided to let them go and concentrate on getting my own life back together. However can’t say what my reaction will be if I ever bump into them in town, now that would be interesting.!!!
Best wishes
Pat xxx
Hi Pat
Bottom line is you respected your Brian’s wishes in life and death, it is they that should be questioning their action after all all actions have consequences, it does not matter how ill a person is they should have visited him no matter what. Concentrate on yourself bugger them , you see them in town stop (if you want to) say hello and say goodbye show them what a classy lady Brian married.