I shouldnt have heard it

My sister died suddenly 10 weeks ago and after the funeral i stayed with my brother in law for a week to help.
When she took really unwell the hospital had tried to call him but for some reason they hadnt used his mobile number just his landline which wasnt working properly and so didnt ring. The hospital eventually sent the police.
So i said, because he didnt want to, id go through the answer phone messages the hospital left and delete them. There were only two and ive never told anyone what i actually heard.

While the dr was leaving a message he cant have been far from my sister. I could hear them doing cpr on her. It didnt register what it was at the time but it kept going round in my head.

We know now from what my brother in law was told they got someone to call him as soon as she started getting worse and while they were trying to save her. I also knew the nursing station was right next to her room. But he didnt tell me this until after id heard the message.

Its horrific. And now ive started having dreams that involve cpr and her dying.


Hello @vivmt - I am so sorry that your sister has died - that is really, really hard. What has happened here, with the phone call that you have heard, is such a tough thing. While it is not for me to advise you, if it was me standing where you are, I would look into getting some counselling to help lift this load that you are carrying. I hope you will feel stronger soon. Loads of love x


Thanks. I have a counsellor anyway but she can currently only see me once a month. The gp referred me to the local chaplains who do a listening service but theres a waiting list. My school (im a teacher) has referred me to occupational health but theres a wait. Theres just a long wait everywhere.


Have you asked Sue Ryder I had a Sue Ryder counsellor I hope you are able to find one it does help.I am so sorry you are struggling
Support hugs x

Just reread your post and realised you have one monthly.My Sue Ryder was for six weeks once a week which gave a bit of continuation
Support and hugs

Unfortunately sue ryder dont take you on if you have a counsellor. I wouldnt want to have to start general counselling again as i so many times already. The listening service sounds ideal but i havent heard back despite my gp chasing them up.

I hope you sort something out.
I lost my lovely husband,best friend and soul mate 8 months ago I still feel as if my insides have been ripped out everything just stopped that day and Iā€™m just suspended in time nothing makes sense or has purpose.I saw the GP for the first time last week and he is trying to sort something out for more counselling.
This forum has been a lifeline for me.
Support ,hugs and

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Yes, just when you are in dire need of therapy, you have to wait. So hard and unfair, thinking of you x