I still think he's coming back

Hi everyone, this is my first time writing in this forum but wanted to reach out, I lost my Dad in October last year, very unexpectedly and I’m struggling with adjusting to this new cruel life. He is my everything, my best friend, my favourite person and I’ve always been excited to go through life with him by my side. I usually talk to him every day and we do so much together. I find it hard that I never get to see him in the flesh again. Also heartbroken that he doesn’t get to be here because he deserves so much more. I still think he’s coming back and get very overwhelmed when anyone says bluntly what’s happened (I can’t even say it) because my mind goes no no that’s not happened, he’s coming back. I don’t know who to talk to about it and could go on forever on here! I just want him back more than anything in the world.
Lots of love to you all,
Amy x

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Dear amytriplet

I am so sorry at the loss of your dad.

I am way older than you and lost my dad 11 years ago. He and my mam looked after our kids while I worked so I saw him everyday. He is a big miss, especially now as I lost my husband suddenly and tragically last year.

There will be others who will reach out to you on this forum and give you the advice that you need.

Take care.

Hi Sheila,

Thank you for messaging me.

It is very hard, when you just want your family back as it was.

Oh I’m sorry to hear about that :confused: I hope you’re keeping strong, sending lots of love.

Amy x

Dear amytriplet

Thank you. I understand as I so want my family to be as it was.

I have two adult children - slightly older than yourself - and have had to watch as they try to grapple with the sudden and tragic loss of their dad. Both have had counselling with varying degrees of success. I know that our daughter finds it extremely difficult to look at photos of her dad. She visited at the weekend and we went through my husband’s little box of keepsakes and she took his St Christopher. My daughter likes tattoos so I think she is going to try and get something resembling this.

Together we have also gone through some other keepsakes. Both me and husband kept pictures they drew when children, hand-made father’s day cards, calendars, notes to us when they had been naughty and little trinkets they bought for us when on school trips. Rubbish to others but the most important treasures to us as parents. Perhaps you can find similar things that your dad has kept and which may help you stay connected to him.

As for those who are blunt. Ignore them. They clearly have not suffered loss as you are now feeling.

Please give counselling a consideration. It often helps to talk to someone who you do not know in these settings because you can say and express yourself as much or as little as you want.

Take care.

i am so sorry for your loss Amy, i lost my Dad on the 30th April and feel completely numb and lost x

Amy I am so sorry to read your story.
I am only 2 weeks in to losing my dad, I’ve gone this long without seeing him so I really dread to think how harder it gets as time goes on!
I really hope you can find some comfort in talking to others who genuinely know the pain and know how you are feeling right now. I’m 31 and finding it hard to relate to anyone my age when it comes to this as no one else has really been through it so I can imagine with being even younger you are finding the same thing x

I understand, it’s very hard when the thing you want most in the world you can’t do anything about.

I’m sorry about your family’s loss :frowning:
How are they finding counselling? Have you been in contact with Cruse support? They are volunteers, I am speaking to one fortnightly and it helps me.
That’s lovely that she can keep hold of a keepsake and that you went through his stuff. Do you have a memory box? We do, with a picture of my Dad framed next to it, we find it helpful to talk to this picture, maybe that would help your family?
Ah I think a tattoo is a lovely idea, I actually have one booked in too!
That’s lovely that you still have those keepsakes, I hope they bring you comfort.
Yes I find counselling good as it means I constantly have someone I can talk to about my feelings.
All the best,
Amy x

Thank you for your support.
Oh I am so sorry to hear that :frowning:
I understand those feelings, remember you are allowed to feel sad and crying is good to let it all out, let yourself be human, sending lots of love, Amy x

I am really sorry to hear that and sending lots of love to you.
There is comfort in speaking to people who understand because my friends have really let me down and I just get frustrated because the only person I actually want to talk to, is my Dad!
Amy x

Dear Amy

It really is so hard.

Yes I have been in touch with Cruse and have a first call (assessment of some description) booked in for Monday 17 May. I have also found the Samaritans really helpful particularly as they operate 24/7 and sometimes you just need someone to talk to in the early hours.

We are putting together a memory box, mainly so that our grandsons have something to refer back to in future years. Daughter cannot look at photos. I do have some on the wall in the bungalow but she cannot look at them. Our son struggled at first but a friend of his had a canvass made of his dad and his eldest son together. He now has a three week old baby who never got to meet his granda but his crib is positioned below as if my husband is watching over him.

I am not a fan of tattoos. Our daughter has many, our son’s partner a full sleeve. Both girls have booked in sessions for a tattoo in memory of my husband. Despite my aversion to them I have to say I am toying with the idea of getting one on my wedding ring finger (our wedding date) as a way to revolt against societies desire to give us a label. Like yourself not wanting to use a particular word, I too have an aversion to ‘W’. Will your proposed tattoo have links to your Dad?

I note your comments about your friends. They just cannot understand what you are going through. I hope that you find at least one good friend that will sit and listen and understand.

I also note that you are a writer. Have you considered writing your Dad’s story. I am sure that he shared many tales/adventures with you and that is another way of keeping his memory alive.

I am glad that others are starting to connect with you on this site.

Take care and let me know how you get on and if you start writing.

Hi @amytriplet,

Like you I am a first time poster here and also lost my dad around the same age as you, suddenly due to a tragic accident. So I am terribly sorry to hear of your loss and understand the pain you must be going through.

My dad had his accident 4 years ago today and it is only recently that I have tried to access bereavement councelling, I still struggle to grieve the loss or even relate the reality to my life. I was hoping to be able to come on here and talk to others about what happened and feelings, as I find other people around me move on and forget your suffering, so don’t talk about it.

It is so lovely to hear what a special relationship you had with your dad, it sounds lovely. X x

I am so sorry, I have read you post & you are me. My dad passed suddenly in Feb 2021 & I just do not know how I am meant to cope.

We seen each other everyday, there wasn’t really a warning sign just one day I went to work & when I came home he was gone.

He was 60, how is that fair? He didn’t get the time he deserved.

I hope you are coping, it would be nice to know how you are doing as I am so lost in all of this