Hello my friends,
Today, like so many days now, I took a batch of Tom’s things to the charity shop. He would have been resolutely practical about this - saying charities needs funds and people need clothes and times are tough all round. So, down the hill I trundled, with two carrier bags. I went in to the shop, made my way to the back where the donations are checked in. On my way back, I had to divert past the men’s shirts as someone was coming towards me on my “escape route” with a huge pushchair. And then, I saw it. One of Tom’s gorgeous shirts, there on the rail. I had to take a moment. And then, I walked past it, paused for a moment, touched it and oh so quietly, said goodbye. I left the store double-quick. These moments are like a blow upon a bruise, aren’t they? Even though it is my choice to part with these things, actually seeing them for sale is a new level in grief that I wasn’t really prepared for.
I am going to a fancy thing in town tomorrow and needed some shoes. So, taking a breath, I headed to the shoe store. And bought a pair of little ankle boots in a cut and colour that I would never have bought before - I felt Tom nudging me towards them. He was a great shopper, loved clothes and nice things and had a great eye. Always encouraging me to be bolder, brighter. Reader, I bought them! And am now at home, ready for a favourite sandwich and an afternoon on the sofa with a good book. Grief takes us to all manner of strange places, and so often catches us off guard. Thank you for reading this - you are the only people I can share this with who will completely understand. Take care, my friends, stay well, stay lucky. Loads of love xxx
@Vancouver Thank you for sharing your bitter sweet moments . You had extraordinary strength today in the charity shop, seeing Tom’s shirt on the rail and the heart wrenching moment of saying goodbye. Then on to buy boots and bravely choosing a style you would have never worn before, how I love that!. I expect your Tom would be smiling at your emerging new confidence.! Grief does take us to new and strange places, its still very early days for me but my car was booked in for its service, something my beloved would always see to, I took my car in and spoke with the mechanics and even managed to drive the car onto the ramp. Nothing much you might think but this was a huge step for me, my confidence has been so low since he passed, so doing this for myself I felt was an achievement. With love and hugs xx
My dear @sandi - thank you, thank you for your support as I wobble through this. I know exactly that triumph you had with the car and your beloved would be so pleased and proud of you. I know, I really know, that Tom checks in on me and is there in those moments when I am at my lowest and wobbliest -like today. Hang in there, somehow, we have got this xx
Ah @Vancouver that must of been so tough to see his shirt there, you are so strong. Well done for being brave with the shoe purchase, they sound lovely, you, and Tom have got good taste.
Lots of love xx
Oh my goodness . How hard for you but maybe his way of saying he there with you like he pointed you to the shoes .
I put my partners in the clothes collection bunker that’s outside our shops. I have also got some of his clothes turned into memory cushions and teddy’s for us all.
But I kept a jumper it had a stain on it that would come out
Oh Vancouver, You have brought back a memory for me. I decided early on to let my husband clothes go to charity as I found it too upsetting to have them around the house. I had a charity come and collect the lot but a couple of week later I was walking past the shop in town and stupidly went in. I found some of my husbands things including his trainers and I picked them up and just stood there holding them close before making my escape in tears. Like you I wasn’t prepared for the impact it had on me.
I never regretted making the decision to let his things go as I never felt I needed ‘things’ to remember my husband.
Thank you for your good wishes. I don’t think any of us quite expected the impact on our lives at losing a loved one. I had lost close family and grieved but losing my husband was a whole different ball game and knocked me sidewards. I think it took me about two years to start to feel more like my old self. I made the effort to lead a full life but it was like learning to walk again before I found what exactly I did want to do. Now I have reached a happy medium and pretty well content with my life and accept it.
Hard as it is life does go on but I feel as if we are stuck in a time warp and don’t go forward with it. How many of us feel as if our loss happened yesterday instead of years. Living with the loss is a hard lesson.
As always your post shows how brave and strong you are and highlights how difficult this journey is for us all. Thank you for sharing this experience with us and leading us gently and with understanding towards our new lives. I do hope you enjoy wearing your new boots.
thank you @KarenF I am beginning to learn that having to learn and tackle so many new things, when your confidence feels so shaken by loss is so very daunting, but it does feel good when you achieve even one small step , At the moment I really feel that I have lost my sense of self as I try to search for some understanding of this strange new world we have all been reluctantly transported to, However, you and others here have shown that our new world can be rebuilt, with support from each other and time. With love xx