I lost my mum just over a month ago. She had kidney cancer and disease but she had started falling. She was put into a rehab center to help her with walking and after a week got a bed sore which they hid from me and she went down hill rapidly. She died from a complication of the infection and the cancer although they Wont admit it on paper. On 23rd October my mum died, my best friend and my life. I cared for her for 2 years prior to this. I’m doing everything right keeping busy etc but I have the added pressure of things being awful at work. I can’t stop crying I feel lost and those punch in the stomach me to are horrific. I lost my dad to cancer 15 years ago so I feel like an orphan. Will the pain ever go away 
I am so sorry for your loss Debbie. I lost my mum 6 years ago now and although she was 85 I kinda thought she was going to be around forever. Our mums are the one constant in our lives giving out unconditional love.
The fact that your mum passed away in complicated circumstances must make losing her even more difficult and harder to accept. I think you need to find some kind of understanding . After my husband died very suddenly, I managed to get a meeting with a consultant by contacting PALS at the hospital. It was so very helpful and the consultant explained in great detail all I needed to know to give me the understanding I needed. Perhaps this is something you could explore.
You’ll never stop missing your mum but there will come a time when you will think of her and smile and the pain won’t be so agonising. Me and my sister often talk about our mum and actually laugh at some of the funny things she did. You will too.
Sending love and a big hug. Xx
Really with you on the still in shock. My sister died in October suddenly. Cant gett my head round things at all. Trying to do one day at a time and think that’s all we can do x