I think I'm going crazy

Today like the past 2 weeks I’ve really struggled. I have even thought of ending it. Most nights since I lost my husband 7 months ago I wish I don’t wake up in the morning. I did start to think I was coping and even genially smiled.but now I’m so low again I can’t stand it. I even feel like smashing the house up I’m so angry. I cry at some point each day again after thinking the worse was over. Am I crazy or is there others that are feeling the same. I can’t even read other posts because they make me so sad.

Hi your not crazy your emotions are all over the place I feel the same ok then crying, feeling so low sometimes angry sometimes I wish I wasn’t here but that wouldn’t be fair on my boy’s keep posting how you are feeling and talk to people.
Christine x

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You are not going crazy, grief is the most difficult and painful thing you can imagine. As my Dr told he crying is good, it’s those who don’t cry who he worries about.

As for wanting to die, keep going it will get easier

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You’re going to be ok. Really. I lost my husband Carl on July 2 and we had been together since we were 17, until he died at 58. I’ve been where you are, got the T-shirt!! I was only sleeping 1- 2 hours and had severe anxiety. Are you sleeping? If not it makes you feel worse. I am taking an anti depressant to help but only take 1/4 of a tablet, by choice, to help with my sleeping and to ease that anxious, deep churning that made me feel so ill. It’s there but not as bad. When I feel it coming I get up and shower. Try and get out for a walk. Fresh air clears your head slightly so you can think better. I’m seeing a nutritionist who is helping with advice on foods and vitamins for seratonin production. Talk and cry as much as is needed. I cry every day. I talk to Carl and other people as much as possible. I sound a bit extreme but this is survival mode. I felt like ending it all and at the last minute couldn’t. That’s when I went to the doctor. My friends have been supportive too. Post on here. Keep talking to us. I’m sending you lots of love and a big hug. Remember, you’re going to be alright.
Love, Linda xxxx

Hello, no you’re not going crazy. It is still very early days after your loss, and normal to experience intense emotions such as sadness and anger. Whatever you are feeling at the moment is normal, even the feeling of wanting to follow your husband, but with time things will become easier. It is a very hard and lonely journey, but you will find ways to make coping easier, and life will start to look brighter. You will always love your husband, and hold him safely in your heart, but the waves of grief will become less harsh and peace will start to come. And cry whenever you feel like it - whether at home, out with friends, or even in the supermarket - it is all part of the healing process. Take care and keep in touch, Jayne x

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I sleep sometimes and I still work full time. I work in mental health so nothing I’ve not seen or heard but it’s me going through it this time and I don’t like not being in control. I won’t do anything silly as I have seen what it does to others but just hate feeling like this and putting on a mask every day so I can try to get through it. Thank you for being there for me x

We are good actors aren’t we?! People don’t have any idea what’s beneath the masks we wear but on here we wear very similar ones so we understand each other. Take care. Lots of love xx

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I totally agree with you. I lost my wife on 2nd of July to cancer she was 51. I thought I was coping as best as I could but today I’m back at square one. I came home from night shift this morning and went to bed but could not sleep up again at 10 am and have spent the rest of today crying and in bits. I have thought of ending it as well as the pain is unbearable and only the thought of what it would do to my kids stops me. You are not alone on this grief journey.

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I think we all agree. You’re not going crazy, you’re grieving and it’s painful, it’s agony and we all know. You’ve come to the right place - this site has given me enormous comfort.
I’ve just found the following in a book and I’d like to share it:

My loved one died. That was a moment of time. But more important, my loved one lived. He moved, breathed, experienced life. He ate, he drank, he worked, he slept. He laughed, he cried, he spoke, he listened. He read, he wrote, he sang, he loved. He lived for not merely a single moment, but many moments. There is a life to celebrate.

Not sure if this helps at the moment but I kinda liked it. Xx


Thank you .not sure if it helps or not some days. I feel like I’m on a pity party. Sorry for your loss too. X

Thank you John. Sorry for your loss too. One day at a time x

Hi L, got through another day at work even though I did break down a couple of times today. Sorry for your loss too and hope your day wasn’t too bad x

Glad you got through today ok. It’s so hard isn’t it? I spent the day with a friend who lost her partner at the end of May, after 20 years together. He died suddenly like Carl at the age of 51. We talked, cried, had lunch, cried and reminisced. We both agreed it was good to talk about our partners so openly, to share our feelings. I’m in the apartment now feeling really tired. I miss Carl with every ounce of my being. I’ve also got through another day though. It’s not nice. It’s not enjoyable. Little steps. One day at a time. Hope you sleep ok. Lots of love Linda xxx

Hi Linda.
Glad you had some company today and someone to talk to. Unfortunately I’m the youngest in my family but the first to lose a partner. Everyone I know has not been through this so I feel quite isolated from the real world at the moment and don’t quite know where I fit in. Hope you sleep well too x Yvonne

Hi Yvonne
I feel isolated from everything too. Even with people around me I feel lost. I think at the moment we just need to have distractions to get through each day. It’s not like we enjoy anything, it’s a case of getting through one day at a time, just to survive. It’s like I’ve said in other threads, I’m renting up here in the midlands for 6 months to be with family and friends for support. Cornwall is where Carl and I moved to and we loved our home, I still do, but I can’t stayvthere all the time as it’s so quiet. I’m going back and forth to just see me through the winter and try and see where my future will be. It’s realky hard though. I’m seeing another friend today. There’ll be tears I’m sure if that, but it’s better to have a real hug than a virtual one over the phone. I hope you have a decent day. Lots of love xxx

I think suicide thoughts are normal because 1: you want to be with them, join them 2: life on Earth stinks so bad, you just no longer want to be here. these losses are enormous, the biggest we face is losing our family … so I think if anything can make one crazy, it is this.

I too have thought my grief will drive me crazy and sometimes I feel crazy and like I just want the pain to stop. Recently I started taking an antidepressant called Venlafaxine, it’s made me feel horrible, I feel like an extremely anxious zombie, I can’t think straight and now in the process of getting off it. I’ve been researching natural mood boosters, 5 HTP has been recommended on many websites and of course trying to eat healthily will help, if that’s difficult take a multivitamin and omega 3 supplements to try to keep your body energised. Thinking of you and sending love. Jules xx

Hi Jules,
I have been on venlafaxine for many years, and I, too, am in the process of getting off it. Well actually, I’m coming off all three of my antidepressants and my zopiclone, starting with the nightly trazodone. I have put up with a number of side effects, including a very dry mouth and increased anxiety. With hindsight I believe that I should have only taken them for a short period of time. I can’t honestly say whether they have done me any good or not x

I’ve been taking Venlafaxine for less than 8 weeks, they made me feel strange very early on, I stuck with them thinking they just needed time to kick in but have felt increasingly disconnected and just not myself. I spent the whole of last weekend researching them and decided they definitely are not good for me, I didn’t feel great before I took them but at least I felt like me!!
I have a review with my doctor tomorrow and will go off cold turkey after the weekend, I’m expecting to experience some withdrawal but I just want this horrible drug out of my system and feel normal again, I think as I’ve been on them such a short time the yucky withdrawal shouldn’t be too bad.
For me it’s made me realise I need to look after myself naturally, exercise, healthy eating and getting out and about more will do me much more good.

Good luck to you and keep me posted on your progress.
Love and hugs. Jules. Xx