I thought I was doing better

Its been 26 weeks today since I lost my partner, in that time I’ve gone back to work, got back to the gym regularly, I’ve been eating better, sleeping better and talking more, I thought I was doing well, then the guilt about doing better hit me and since about Saturday I feel like ive gone back to square one. I feel so guilty that I was enjoying my days a bit, our daughter is just about to walk on her own and I was so excited to then remember that her Mum isnt here to see it, so I shouldnt be this excited. I just miss her so much that it physically hurts again, I feel so low, I can’t be bothered to get up and do anything, and my mind is going on overdrive constantly.

Does it actually get better with time or is it just these waves of constant uppers then downers?


@Diadhuit i have found that you go up and down all the time … it feels like being on a rollercoaster … sometimes youre ok … others youre really not and miss your partner so much … its only natural we gonna feel like this … its a massive thing we been through ! A life changing thing … but youre doing ok by sound of it … and lovely your daughter is nearly walking. Xx


I think it’s up and down for a while. I’m 32 weeks in and doing ok again. Around 6 months I had a step back but overall I’m ok. I’ve had 5 days if no tears but today had a walk and a chat with my partner (as I often do) and had a little cry but the tears stop as quick as they start.
This is a process and has no end. Like any traumatic experience, it stays with you for life but won’t be so in your face as the beginning. It’s always there but we will live with it and life will go on.


Definitely doing better than I was at the beginning and its great to see the little wins like my wee girl taking her first steps and saying wee words but i just feel constantly guilty any time i enjoy something or feel any kind of happiness, worried im going to feel this way forever no matter what i do


You’re doing an incredible job and your wife would be proud. Guilty is tricky, we have guilt because we loved them and don’t want to betray them but I’m starting to believe that I’m not betraying him but trying to survive without him and he would be proud of what I have achieved and he would want me to be happy, however that looks for me.

Your wife would be happy for you too, I’m sure. She picked you for a reason, she loved you. She trusted you as a father and I’m sure she would trust that you will always make the best decisions going forward, for your baby and yourself.

1 Like

It sounds like you are doing a bloody amazing job so well done! Firstly, try and ditch the words “should and shouldn’t” in any self talk. It’s completely unhelpful to your well-being.

Secondly, what would your partner be saying to you if she could communicate right now? I very much doubt it would be anything like what you are saying to yourself.

Your situation is shit, no one prepares us for loosing a partner so young and leaving our kids without one parent, it really is a case of sink or swim when there’s kids involved. Enjoy your little girl and her first milestones. I’m not religious but I do believe something is going on up there and she’ll be watching.