10 weeks today since my world fell apart… I thought I’d started doing okay, I cry every day but managing to make plans and goals that I can achieve, all be it only little ones but this morning I woke up to see my side gate open, someone had been in the garden overnight and it’s frightened me… that has just pushed me into feeling so low… I keep going over those last couple of days… I just want to feel his comforting arms round me again 
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That is scarey seeing the side gate open. I recall such things,when my husband had died, for the first few months. I felt jumpy when I wasn’t expecting things to happen. Very many mood swings too. It has taken me ages to feel sometimes at peace. And unexpected things still stress me out. It is 19 month’s now. I am sitting in the sun alone at a holiday park we went to ten year ago watching the world go by. The sky is blue and feel grateful it is a nice breezy temperature so I can relax. I am trying to get my skill back to do a decent water colour picture. That is a goal. I have been trying to figure out how to get to the beach without too much clobber. My next goal is to maybe catch a bus. Last year I managed it twice on a holiday partly alone. I have been in the outdoor pool. But I haven’t plucked up courage to go down a freezing cold long water slide like I did ten years ago. I have these goals but if I dont meet them it is what it is.
Someone said to me try two things each day towards what has to be done or what you want to do. Well if it is only one or none that is ok too.
I wish he was still here all the time. In my head I imagine what it was or would like. My son says I am being negative.
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10 weeks Monday for me my hubby suddenly died 15/4/24 I went back to work 2 weeks ago just phased return I would rather I didn’t have to it I am 10 years off retirement age ! I have just been into the bank to make arrangements with my husbands accounts and I still broke down in there 10 weeks later ! Will it be any different in 10 months ? 10 years ? X
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Four weeks for me. I am still getting butterflies in my stomach and shaking hands sometimes and getting breathless. Driving is my biggest fear. Today, everywhere I look I see his things. I am wondering if I would feel better if I got rid of them, but empty spaces would be worse I think.
Can’t eat much, better if someone is here. Some days I can’t be bothered doing anything, but then I just wallow. I think I am better keeping busy but don’t really have the incentive. It’s like “why bother when there’s nobody here to care”.
What a miserable existence. The thought of this continuing is unbearable.
I put on an act for my son, try and stay cheerful for my daughter. Try to count my blessings, see the glass half-full, etc. but I can’t keep it up for long and cry when alone.
Xx
Hello @Jane15,
I am so sorry that your husband has died - that is so, so hard. 10 weeks is like forever and at the same time, no time at all. Be gentle on yourself, my friend and remember if you can that grief is a marathon - it takes its own time. I am 29 months in now - and to your question about whether it will be different in 10 months or 10 years from now - I can answer - yes, it will. For me, the process continues. I am mostly better but the grief, the memories still break through and they can still wind me. I am able to jump back up again now, faster and faster but, my love for my late husband remains with me and always will, so the sting of his loss will do too - and I am comfortable with that as it means our love continues. There is no clock or timer for grief - it takes its time and works in its own way. Try if you can to go with it and just, for a while, let it all be. Hold tight, keep posting, your friends here are with you.
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You’re doing what helps you… I talk to him in my head and I find it a comfort but my son thinks it’s odd, but I like it…
I must admit stress is awful and I avoid it if I can because it’s so much worse now than before I lost him, I struggle to cope with it
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I imagine everyone is different but I’m what I call unstable, with my emotions, I can be find and then suddenly I’ll break down.