I thought I was doing so well

Hi everyone,
My husband died in November and I thought I was doing so well. He had been ill a long time so his death wasn’t unexpected. My family stayed with me in December and over Christmas and we did ‘normal’ family Christmas things between the tears. I am still working and that seemed OK too. Until this morning. I had to abandon my journey to work and come back home. I felt as though I was in a fog, unable to remember the simplest things. My mind won’t work, I feel sick, I can’t believe he has gone. Has anyone else felt this sudden violent reaction when they thought they were coping?

Hi Alison
I’m so sorry for your loss, my husband had a fall, and went into hospital on 16th November, on the 28th November the doctors told me he had terminal liver cancer, the shock was indescribable. He died on 6th December, I didn’t do cards or presents at Christmas, I felt so ill, the awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I haven’t slept properly for weeks now, I returned to my home after spending over 4 weeks with my daughter. It’s so lonely and frightening being here on my own, it was always just the two of us. Like you I can’t believe he has gone, I miss him so much. I’ve screamed and cried, this is unbearable, so yes I’ve had exactly what you have described. The tears don’t stop, I feel I’m not coping, I joined this site and to be able to talk to others in the same situation does help. You are not alone, I will be thinking of you and everyone else who is suffering as we are.


Hi Alison

Yes I know how you feel. My husband died in October and I have ‘willed’ myself to keep my emotions under control and to motivate myself to do things but it seems one step forward and two back. I had an appointment at the Opticians yesterday and completely fell to pieces. I felt I had let myself down and should be able to feel stronger by now.

The hardest thing is feeling so overwhelmed with everything and feeling unable to cope. Grief certainly comes in waves. All we can do is hope that tomorrow will be better.

Like Janet said there are so many of us on here just trying to make sense of what we are going through. It certainly helps to be able to say the things we can’t share with anyone else.


Yes coming home to an empty house is heartbreaking everywhere I look is the things we did together and it’s totally killing me inside I just don’t know if I can carry on without Carol but I have to for the sake of our children and grandchildren it’s a total nightmare got sleeping tablets from the doctors but it’s difficult to sleep properly and going outside is painful because lots of people knew Carol and she loved walking and spoke to everybody my first and only love has gone but lives on in my heart forever until the day we are together again hopefully x

Yes its very hard I “died” the day my beloved Mike died 16 months ago-I dont have family and also I had another huge loss -I get days when I cant get up I cant face going out and I dont have any social life at all. I find its easier for me to stay in -if I go out I miss Mike terribly then come back to an empty flat -there hasnt been ONE day (or night) when Ive not cried as I miss Mike so much-I feel as if Im going backwards instead of forwards

Hi Kris

You describe exactly the way I have been feeling today. I think we are still feeling traumatised. How on earth do we get through this. I have thought of Counselling but don’t want to keep going over what’s happened every week with a stranger. My biggest problem today was not tears but fear, paralizing I couldn’t shift it all day. As a result I haven’t done anything and there are so many things I should be doing.

I am now scouring the Internet for hypnosis/meditation videos for grief/stress and anxiety. Hope I can find something to help.


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Hi Alison 53
I am so sorry for your loss of your husband it is so overwhelming.
My husband also passed away in November I stayed with family for Christmas And new year like you and everyone else on the forum it was just through a fog of tears .
I came back to my own house just over a week ago and it was heartbreaking with out George .
There are days when I can hold my self together and other days when I just can’t take it in that he has gone .
I had a meeting with my work on Tuesday as I have a line in till the 31st of January my doctor has said I have to see him again before my line runs out as he fells it would be to soon to return to work .
The doctor has told me that I can’t rush grief you just have to go day bye day so that’s what I’m going to do .
Go back to your doctor and if you can take more time out as you also have to heal .
Thinking of you .

Yes I am feeling the same my life ended the day I lost Carol

I have read all the thread and 8 months on from my wife’s Death I was thinking that despite a few waves I was on way to acceptance and stabilty. That hasn’t been the case . Xmas made me feel like a hostage to happiness and I didn’t want to dampen others celebrations . I felt hemmed in.Just returned from 3 days on my own in the Lakes taking photos and remembering happy times when I met my wife up there.I try and tackle the problem of lack of energy/motivation/what’s the point by doing something no matter how small that would have made my wife proud. Hope this helps

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