Some days my grief consumes me my heart goes out to you. Ryan’s mum X 
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Hi Jilly2
So sorry you lost your son. My son also died ,in May no warning, heart attack out of the blue. This grief is on another level, totally unbearable. I feel crushed, confused, empty. Guilty, angry , hopeless. I Cry everyday, but I find reading the posts on here at least helps me to identify that everyone is feeling the same and that I am not going mad in my grief. I get up early but can’t wait for it to be time to go to bed again so I can sleep and be Out of it for a while, and hope tomorrow will be better, but it never is. It’s very early days yet for both of us, just have to keep surviving for another minute, another hour, I hope you have some good friends around you who care and will listen to you, and that you like me can find comfort in this community. X
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Im so sorry for your loss of your son. And every pain your feeling i can relate to. I lost my son 39 last october from bowel cancer. 3 weeks from passing was 3 weeks. Im broken. Every day is a struggle. From the moment i wake up untill i go to bed hes constantly on my mind. I know he wouldnt want me to feel like this, but how can you go on after losing a child.? would of been his 40th birthday on tje 3/8/21. Im dreading it. I have no grave to go to. His ashes were scattered in wales. I live in manchester.
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I feel for you with the extra worry of facing the upcoming birthday of your so loved son , as you say everyday is a struggle but how do we cope with special days ? I too am dreading my sons birthday which is not until Christmas Day , so a while away yet, but I don’t know if I can even cope with a tree, he used to love doing all the decorating. Christmas must have been so difficult for you to , so soon after loosing him. I hope you can do something as a family to Mark the event that will not add to your pain too much, and that you have others there who can understand and comfort you. I hope you will post later and let us know how you got through it, as you say we think about them every minute of every day but a birthday is always special and will make it even so much more difficult .
hugs
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Bless you for your reply. I have twin sons and a daughter and my hubby. But they dont fully understand how a mother feels to loose there son or daughter. They ate obviously greiving in there own way. Christmas last year, we went away. It was already booked from the previous year. Im not a big christmas fan to be honest. And my son wasnt either. It was tough i cant lie. 10 months on nearly and i dont feel any better. I cant come to terms with our loss. I still visulise him coming through the door. Stupid i know. I feel guilty. Sad. Lonely. All emosions that should be going. But i miss him so much. As i expect you do with your son. I can be having a good day, and then im thinking about the last time i visited him, in the hospice. He was so strong. How i dont know.? Im looking into seeing a medium. Hopeing it might bring me some peace. Im here if you need to talk. I wish you well. Christmas day is my husbands birthday.
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Christmas is always a big day here as my son was born on that day and he still lived with us , so would get up very early on Christmas morning. Gosh even thinking about it now I can’t cope, as you can imagine how empty the house is without him. He just died suddenly here one day, no warning. I would always light a candle for my mother and put it by her picture on her birthday and get some flowers. I light a candle for my son every day now. You are right no one can understand the pain of loosing a child unless they have experienced it themselves.there are no words and nothing can help. Everyday is unbearable . I am dying on the inside and if I did not have a glass of wine I don’t think I would function at all. I may get some Counselling in the future , but this site helps for now. We are all in the same pain. I think there is a thread on here somewhere a conversation someone started about dealing with special days. Maybe you could buy a rose bush for him and plant it in your garden. Anyway I will be thinking about you Tuesday. Take care .
P.S
This is one of the links you might find helpful… BIRTHDAYS in coping with bereavement
My Son Son Aaron’s Birthday is in November and then Christmas I don’t know how I’m going to cope what I do know is I won’t be spending those days on my own I too cry every day every thing seems to trigger me. We spent every holiday together I don’t even think I want to celebrate Christmas but I will go out on his Birthday and do the things we used to do even if it’s just a walk in the park. I’m ok when I’m busy and with people but it’s when I’m home on my own I have a beautiful cat Simba who is really imtune with my feelings.
I am glad you have a cat, pets can be so comforting and you can say out load what ever is bothering you. People often don’t know what to say , even family members, and you are afraid to completely let go in front of them as they may feel uncomfortable. So you just pretend your ok. No need to pretend when your at home with your Simba.
So true Jss my family are hurting too so I can’t talk to them that’s why I love this site.
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Dear sssuuusan
I’m so sorry you’ve lost your lovely son and today would have been his birthday. That’s heartbreaking all over again
There are no words I can say to take your pain away but know we are all thinking of you and sending love and hugs. Be gentle with yourself.
I lost my 30 year old son Henry in October 2019. I’ve learnt a way to survive and so will you. The journey never ends but the path gets less steep.
Purple x
Aww thanl you so much. How kind. Thank you so much.
Hope you get lots of comfort and care on this especially tuff day today 
So nice of you. Wont lie, its gping to be tough.
Hi ISusaan, I am also hoping to see a medium. But within this horrible lockdown I couldn’t get to see anyone. I still see my daughter at bottom of my Hall coming in and saying ‘hi mum’. This is all so cruel to all of us. Sometimes I pray to my late grandmother as she lost a daughter. But she had a picture of her always on the wall. This picture was left in my mums house after she passed… my gran was also widowed in 1935 and left with 6 kids. She also had 2 died in infancy. I pray for her strength. I am pretty well lost without my daughter. But one of my thoughts are she doesn’t know she is gone does she.? How cruel. Love to all.xxxx
So sad I’m hopeing to see a medium. I have felt my sons present at the end of my bed. Always taps my leg. . Iv felt is presence in my hallway aswell. But I turn round and he’s gone.
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