It was his birthday today and this last week I couldn’t make up my mind what to do on his special day. In the end I went to where we laid his ashes, I had placed them very carefully so I know where he was and I have been back quite a few times.
I was told early on in this grieving thing, that you should always have a plan for these special days.
(no not a grieving process because I don’t believe it will ever end for me not until I can join him, my soulmate,)
So it’s been quite a day, longest car drive since I was told that my cataract was why I had problems with certain things (now removed) and also very emotional but now with a bottle, yes not just a glass of red wine, I can say happy birthday my darling and yes I do miss you as much to day as the that very first traumatic week when you had to go because your human body was at its end.
We all have our crosses to bear but that’s life with all it’s challenges. I have often said to others that writing about what it’s like helps you, yourself but also helps others to know that you are not the only person going though this ordeal.
So my message is
1 - make planes for these special days.
2- you are never the only person going through this thing.
3 - yes he was there, I felt his arm around me and telling me ’you’re ok’
God bless you all.

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Susie, spacial

Sorry caught the send button, special day’s, music they liked , thing’s they used to say. I believe thay still visit us.

I think we must all do whatever we think and if it works as well as it can do, then good. The truth is every day is a day without our loved ones, whether it be a birthday, anniversary or Christmas. I simply took flowers to my husband’s grave and also placed some by his photo along with a birthday card. I’m pleased you got through the day Susie. Much love. X

Thank you Kate, it’s not been a good week but I think I make things worse sometimes. I went to see Calendar Girls, the stage show, yesterday and I did wonder when I booked if I was being unwise. Fantastic show but I was in pieces at times. The hospital is our local hospital so it was were my John went and I have sat on that Sofia. Just not the right week. Do we learn, in my case no. Well tomorrow is another day and we will see what it brings.
Buy the way I nearly got a card but thought no I must be sensible, hows that for double standards.
Bless you and keep smiling, it’s all we can do.

Not just visit , but with us , just not in bodily form . I feel my son around me all the time , I talk to him in the car, I think about him all the time . I miss his physical presence intensely but I know he’s there and I’m so glad and proud to have had him, albeit for such as short time ,and I know I’ll see him again one day . In the meantime , I’ve just got to get on with it , which I will , with gritted teeth,and sometimes with great reluctance, as I have others who I love and who love me, and life for all its shortcomings needs to be held with both hands and we need to get the most from it that we can, until we too move on .

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