I lost my soulmate very suddenly at home on 22 May. I have good and bad days and thought I was doing ok. I have an adult daughter living at home with special needs which has been good for my routine and keeping busy, and with the backup from my other two married children I’ve managed ok. But I seem to have completely lost my confidence, and suddenly this week am unable to make decisions for myself and I even found myself this morning altering weekend plans because it would mean me driving a distance. Can anyone tell me if this is normal or am I just being silly.
Hi Jennie , I lost my wife on the 9th of may. I have been completely devastated so I really understand what you are saying. Plus you have the added stress of your daughter . I to have lost confidence, not wanting to return to work. In fact not really do anything . I really like so many others have no advice and don’t know what to say to help you. All I can offer is to talk if you feel the need . David
Hi Modav, Thankyou so much for replying. I’m sorry to hear about your loss - it’s the worst feeling isn’t it. There isn’t really anything others can do, but it does help knowing that losing confidence foes happen to others. I guess everyone is different in the way they cope. Hope you will soon be confident enough to go back to work, I don’t have that hurdle as I’m retired. Likewise if you need to talk please feel free, we must all help each other to get through this. Jennie
From my experience I would say losing you confidence is a totally normal part of grief. I always a confident person but that disappeared overnight when my husband died unexpectedly in his sleep. Suddenly the realisation that life is so fragile and can be gone in an instant makes you fearful. My world has shrunk so much. There are lots of places I will not go to ( places we used to love), lots of food I will not eat , Tv programmes I will not watch, newspaper stories I will not read, people I will not see - the list is endless. I also have the constant feeling that at any point life can be taken away so I live from day to day.
When you have had a tremendous shock,as we have, it takes a very long time to regain the confidence you once had. You have to be able to let go of fear and regain trust. It’s a very long, slow process which takes time.
A lot of people find it difficult to go back to work - the job hasn’t changed but they have. Like you I am now retired ( my business closed the day my husband died, I couldn’t do it without him and didn’t want to). It has taken a long time to adjust to this
and I feel like a totally different person now.
I do hope you are able to rebuild your life and regain the confidence you once had but for me it’s not been easy.
Hi Yvonne, thankyou for your message, and I’m very sorry to hear of your loss, can I ask how long ago that was? My husband also died very suddenly 9 weeks ago at home, first thing in the morning laughing and joking got out of bed and literally dropped dead on the landing - now I’m getting flashbacks and can see him laying there. Yesterday I had a bereavement checkup with my GP and I’m now trying out Citalopram, didn’t want to go down that line but my children advised me to.
Everything that you have said is the same for me, and it is very reassuring to know we aren’t going crazy. This has got to be one of the worst things we will ever go through, and I’m sure our husbands are watching over us and are proud the way we are coping.
I hope you have a support network around you, my children and grandchildren keep me going and surprisingly my 90 year old mother is a real support which has amazed me. Like you I feel very vulnerable which is a totally new experience as I was also a very confident assertive person, but I now feel more like a child again.
I do hope you are getting along ok Yvonne, and I totally 100% understand how you are feeling.