I lost my mum 5 Years ago to copd … she went down hill fast , the last few months of her life were awful for her. I haven’t grieved … what did happen was harsh anxiety. Health anxiety, worrying about every pain/twinge/feeling I got certain. I was about to die. This has been ongoing for 5 years, won’t take medication as I’m scared of what side effects it might bring… today has been the first day I’ve felt real sadness I’ve felt so lost in this world without her w er since … and life has been awful sometimes can anyone relate? …
Dear Chelly,
It is normal for you not to be able to grieve, our grandson who is 30 years old cannot grieve for his beloved granddad (my husband Stan) who passed away last August 2019. I have likened it to a great big block of ice inside you which will not melt.
I hope you will feel better, now that you have joined this wonderful group.
Blessings,
MaryL
After, the first three days after my Dad died twenty years ago, I couldn’t cry. It felt frozen in side, however i was still grieving. I felt low, sad and depressed. I also had to be strong for my Mum, who quite easily could have made herself ill at the time.
Hi Chelly.
Welcome. You have already had replies to your post and no doubt will have more. Because it’s five years ago don’t think that you should have ‘got over it’ by now. No way. Fifty years after it can still hurt when memories come up. We learn to live with it and make some sort of life for ourselves, but the pain remains if only in the background.
Daffy has summed it up. And Mary’s big block of ice is a good analogy. It does melt slowly, so slowly.
Now take care of yourself. That’s very important. Bless you.
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Hi there … thanks for replying. I know exactly what you mean. It’s horrible and mine came out in horrendous anxiety.
Thank you 
Our Jonathan, posts some brilliant replies which are so comforting. x
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It’s good to know people feel how you do… I actually thought there was something wrong with me at times…