I’ve said goodbye and don’t want to go to a service

My dad died on New Year’s Eve and I was with him. I’d held his hand and laid with him as he died. When he died I kissed his forehead, thanked him again for being my dad. I said goodbye to him then.

Mum is insisting on a church service, wake and then another service at the crematorium. I don’t want to go to a service, even though I’ve arranged it because mum wants it. I’ve already said goodbye to dad. I don’t want to see a box that he’s in, I want to keep the memory of him lying down and peaceful. . I’ve spent time with mum and talk with her every day. I’m coping and dealing with my sadness in my own way. If I try to talk about dad to anyone else I mostly get ‘it was good you were with him’ . No one really wants to hear, so why go through services where people don’t really want to talk about dad. I don’t know what to do

. I don’t understand when people say closure. Closure of what? And I hate people telling me I lost my dad. I didn’t lose him. I was there with him. He didn’t leave me, he didn’t pass way, he died. He died because he was very ill. It wasn’t a blessing. It wasn’t for the best.

Mu said she didn’t want any fuss then 15yrs ago at my godmother’s funeral she said ‘I’ve changed my mind this is what i want’ i said ‘in that case i’m not coming’. She wanted a full catholic mass, so t’s what she had. We did what mum would’ve wanted even tho my sis and i weren’t raised catholic so had no idea what was going on. Mum had her funeral planned she’d even written her eulogy! She was nearly 90 - think she started planning it when my godmother died. Did find it hard seeing her coffin brought into church. For me the crem was more personal and the wake was more comforting.

Like you l was there when mum died - it wasn’t an easy thing to do or see.
I think closure is completely the wrong word when dealing with a bereavement. Grief doesn’t stop with a funeral.

Mum used to say it’s a blessing i think she meant that they were no longer suffering or in pain. Anyway just wanted to say welcome to the group no one wants to join! Take care.