I want my brother back

I had 3 brothers but now I only have 2.
We are all grown up but…Us ‘children’ will never be a complete set again. We lost my Dad 7 years ago and mum is on her way out (nearly 93). I hadn’t realised that me and Andrew had a special relationship; I thought he got on with Mike and Chris as well as he did with me but apparently not.

It’s been over 3 months but feels like yesterday.

So much guilt, so much pain.
Everything seems pointless now because I won’t be able to share things with him.
I miss you Andrew :disappointed:

All deaths are complicated and there’s no one to tell it all to. My partner doesn’t want to hear it and friends are thin on the ground. I wonder if a therapist might be a good idea?

Dear @KateG

Welcome to the Community. I am sorry to hear of the loss of your brother.

Have you considered talking to your GP to see if they can refer you for Counselling on a one to one or to see how they can support you?

Sue Ryder do offer a free online Bereavement Counselling Service. You start by creating an account and registering to go on the waiting list. You will then be invited to book for an assessment. It would be worth considering if you are happy with a one to one session.

With friends and partners, unless you have been through a bereavement it is hard for them to understand how someone is feeling and what they are going through inwardly. There is a recently launched Grief Coach by Sue Ryder which is a text support service which will be of help to you, your partner, family and friends.

It is free grief support to your phone personalised on your loss. This would would be helpful for you as nobody should grieve alone. The service includes gentle coaching for friends and family who want to help but may not now how. They will be sent text reminders and tips on how to support they person they care about.

Another helpful supportive Service that Sue Ryder has to offer is the Grief Guide which contains useful information to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief.

Grief is so overwhelming and Cruse Helpline are available on 0808 808 177 should you wish to talk to someone. The opening times are on their website. Tonight (Wednesday) they are open until 8pm.

Please continue to reach out. You are not alone and we are all here to support you. If you would like further information, please email online.community@suerydercare.org.

Take care.


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Hi Kate I’m Jo the eldest girl then my sis leigh is 18 months younger she and I were very close but she became an alcoholic and I haven’t had her in my life for last 16 years.we also have a brother dave the baby he was in a job 4 10 years he hated his partner was not supportive our dad died 2 years ago my dave gave up his job as it destroyed us about dad.dave lost his partner kids and house.he moved in wiv me and was an alcoholic.we ad to share a bedroom which was so tight but after 6 months my son moved out so dave had little room.he went downhill quick I think cos I was at work all day he was lonely which his ex job used to b.anyway his liver packed in and he collapsed on my kitchen floor puking huge amounts of blood and he just looked at me and said oh fuck I was crying they put him on life support for a week then we turned off machines this was on the 6th of May this year I am completely broken was also close to dave and cry most nights wish I cud av saved him at 1 point I got him down to 8 beers a day but wen his partner cut off all communication he got so much worse u can text me if u need to talk.luv Jo xxxx

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I just lost my wee brother Malcolm to an aggressive form of lung cancer. Eight weeks from diagnosis until death last Sunday. Unfortunately we are having to crowd fund the funeral so that is delayed. I am totally devastated. There was 3 of us, very close in age.
My head is all over the place and I literally can’t stop crying. I never understood the word bereft until now. He was one in a million. The sadness is overwhelming me today.

No one understands the heart ripping pain of losing a sibling until they av been there. So no one knows wot to say it wudnt make u feel any better anywho. I’m distraught ad to go back 2 work but I’m struggling.im not myself and don’t no wen I will b as pain so immense u r not alone luv Jo xxxx


So true, I don’t think anyone understands it either until they have been through it themselves. People just don’t know what to say you. I am just in limbo waiting for the funeral to take place. It is horrible. Thank you so much for your response.

I know how you feel. I lost my sister in 2020 and I’m still not over it.

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I don’t expect to ever truly get over it. It’s been a long wait for the funeral which isn’t until next Tuesday. My brother passed away almost 3 weeks ago. Feel like I won’t be able to properly mourn until then.
Sorry for your loss too.

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Dear Fellow Grievers, “over it” is not in my vocabulary. I feel as if I am expected to go on after losing a vital organ. I live with this hole in my heart where my Sister used to be, and no one else can ever fill it. I recently had a dream about her, we were grasping hands through a window, I kept telling her I loved her and she smiled that sweet smile I remember so well. Then our hands slipped from each other. I tried so hard to hold on, but she was gone. I woke up shaking and sobbing. Jokerdave47 is correct “no one understands the heart ripping pain of losing a sibling until they have been there.” Thank you for your support, here for you as well. Xxx So Sad Sister2

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My 15 year old brother got diagnosed with a brain tumour on the day of the first lockdown. He passed away last october so it’s almost been a year now. We spent so much time together during his illness and lockdowns etc. Although I witnessed some horrific things the time spent with my brother was the most amazing months of my life. We developed a bond i’ve never experienced with anyone and when he passed away it was like someone ripped apart of me away.

I feel like i’m not the same person as i was anymore and i’ll never be as life isn’t as bright without him in it. I always have people saying ‘it will get easier with time’ but it really doesn’t. As time goes on it gets harder and harder. I guess we just have to grow as people to cope with it :frowning:

I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t compare with how you feel as everyone is different but I hope you know you’re not alone and we will get stronger


I was always close to my brother he was always a drinker but had a horrible job and a partner that was very domineering and her family.when our dad died 2 years ago we took it hard.my bro was an alcoholic now and couldn’t work.his partner got a council place wiv his 3 kids and said if he luved them enough he wud give up drink then cud move in.by the way house came wiv job.he moved in wiv me.she stopped him seeing kids and cut him off that’s wen he gave up all hope and got a lot worse.after a year and a bit wiv me he collapsed and vomited huge amounts of blood in my kitchen I was there and he looked at me and said oh fuck I said the same crying.went to hospital and died a week later.that image will never leave me and so broken I cudnt save him.i luv him so much luv Jo xxxx