It sounds as if you are depressed. Could GP help with anti- anxiety meds or antidepressants to tide you over.
I am trying to distract myself with doing jobs and started a knitting project. We can’t change what has happened. Sending you good wishes.
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I am a lot of things at the moment..
I’m constantly thinking of my husband.
But I manage to do legal bits almost everyday until I’m emotionally exhausted. I do chores. The dog tries to keep me sane too.
When it’s sunny, I sit in the conservatory with my husband’s emotional support frog squishmallow and talk to it.
Then I sleep until my friends come and visit. They stay with me until late. I’m grateful for them not getting bored with me as I keep talking about how I miss my husband. They’ve been there for us since day 1 and they know what kind of person he was too, so we talk about him a lot.
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I started listening to podcasts discussing about the afterlife. I don’t know why, but it kind of made me feel a bit relaxed whenever I listen to it. A lot of them described being led into a room to review a their life blueprint with their guides. That it was our soul that chose what happens to our lives in a lifetime, but we are still free to choose whether we do it or not and paths diverge, but it will still be another path we have chosen for the blueprint. It’s very interesting.
It made me think if my husband and I were indeed soulmates, that we chose a path that we would end up together and experience all this heartache, thinking what a thrilling challenge it will be, and I decided I can be left behind cause I can manage it more than him. It seems stupid to choose a path of suffering. But it sounds like something two souls who are not afraid of dying or knows that they are going to meet again anyway would do. Very similar to our personalities— we both make stupid/ridiculous choices.
Everyone I listened to in the podcast keeps saying that death is not the end. I’d like to think that. But it doesn’t mean that I won’t yearn for my husband and I won’t be in pain. It doesn’t change the fact that I am still angry about what happened to him. But I’ll keep listening.. maybe I’ll find out something about where he is now. I have not got the hang of meditating yet, so I’ll keep trying until I can reach him somehow. I am no spiritualist, but I’d try anything to see, hear or feel my husband again..
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So would l love to just hear from my husband but he didn’t believe in anything like a spiritual so l would think if there was a life after death he wouldn’t go to anyone just me
I went to a very food medium close to where I live. She told me things that only we could know. It gave me comfort. She said that Ray said he just fell asleep, didn’t realise anything was happening. He met his father first and thought it was his brother as they look so alike…
Good medium I meant
I booked a telephone pyschic reading. The medium seemed to have good reviews so I shall see.. I chose telephone because it eliminates preconception and false readings.
I also did numerology, astrology, personal year cycles and more.. It just fully cemented what my husband and I already knew and felt.. That we have a very high soulmate compatibility and even our signs matched perfectly.. the personal year cycles also reflected what happened in our lives.. The whole thing perfectly described us to a T.
It’s not science but it makes for an interesting look in life and the afterlife. Whatever makes one accept the harsh reality of losing someone. But be careful not to go down the rabbit hole too deep.
But nothing will ever make me miss my husband less and will make his passing feel like my life has been drained from me.
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sorry to hear this - I also recently lost my wife after 42 years together of which she fought Huntington’s Disease for nearly 31 years I was part of her care team at home - there is no easy ways to get through - but I can say only from personal experience keep talking to the right people those who have swam in the same waters you feel like you are struggling to swim in - connection, grief shared, human support and a deep understanding holding space for you level will help you cope - sending love and support to you
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I looked at my husband’s side of the wardrobe today, hugged his clothes and I just cried and cried.. When I thought I couldn’t cry anymore, but the pain won’t ever go away..
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I am so so sorry far to young to be taken. I lost my soulmate in April this year after 23 years he just turned 55. We were best friends before that it was like the perfect love story i too feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I hope you have lots of support around you especially at this time of year. I started to write about our lives together and have found it very good therapy for me because while writing i do laugh with all the funny times we had together, i have written over 10 thousand words up to yet and will carry on. My thoughts are with you please take care.
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keep writing!
I turned a bit poetic too. I write songs to my husband.
When I find our old conversations, I write one as if he was singing them to me..
It hurts, but in my heart, I feel like he hears them. We liked singing in the car and I got him to tolerate doing karaoke… god, I miss his goofy singing…
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That’s so nice and if it helps you it good for you xx
I know exactly how you feel as my witty, loving eccentric husband died 10 weeks ago and I feel as if someone has ripped out my heart. The pain is intence as he fought hard to survive his cancer diagnosis, going to the gym 5 times a week to keep hi body as fit as possible . Just before he died he acted in my film called Touching Colours as it was an important film about blindness and he raised money for cancer research by lifting weights for an hour, each lift gained more money. He raised 5000 pounds and yet he feeling very ill. I was incredibly proud of him but the hole in my life is huge.
I’m sure I’m not alone in dreading Christmas but I have to go on as my beloved wanted me to continue my work and so I will. Thinking of all of you who grieving. Take care. L
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What an amazing man your husband was. And such an incredibly selfless thing to do, raising all that money whilst sick himself.
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Yes he was, Peg so the loss is much greater. I hope you will be able to cope with Christmas. I’m dreading it. L x
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So sorry to hear of your sudden loss. I don’t know which is worse. Losing a loved one suddenly or caring for them for 19 months and then losing them. Anyway, the pain is intense. At least you have your son with you. I hate the silence in my place now. Take care.
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Your husband’s death is so raw. Only a month away. Mine is two months. I just hope that time will ease the pain. I have cried an ocean but it leaves me emotionally and physically exhausted. I am starting to take up new hobbies in the hope they will help. Take care. x
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That a good idea a hobby will look for something l can do
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Hi kkjw, I do the same every evening and started sleeping with my wife’s favourite perfume on my pillow, it helps me imagine she’s still very much with me but still makes me unexpectedly dissolve.
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