I’ve been with my husband for 5yrs and 11mos. Married in Jan 2023. We knew we were soulmates within the first week of talking. He was heatlhy, no bad habits, ate well, loved nature, took care of himself, loving, gentle, caring, devoted, never angry… He only woke up one day in Dec 2024 with back pain, thought he slept funny.. we even went on a road trip where he drove. He said he will book a Drs. appt after 2 weeks if it doesn’t let up. He had more symptoms since, coughing up blood, abdo pain, fainting, weight loss.. I’m a cancer nurse, so I feared the worst. It didn’t rumble the doctors even if we kept coming back multiples times in a week. They even fobbed us at times. 4 months of back and forth and reassurance until I finally told my husband to just please let me book him a private consultation so that I can request specific markers.. Our whole world collapsed when we saw the results.. he just had a birthday, he was only 33 years old, in the prime of his life, we were just starting our lives together… He was later diagnosed to have stage 4 lung cancer, with liver and bone involvement—never smoked.. He had a very rare cancer called RET fusion, only 1% has it, only 1 treatment available too.. He was doing well with it, getting his appetite and energy back.. until he suffered biliary complications in late September and then he passed away on Nov 17th 2025.. We had his service just last Dec 2.. I can’t function.. i keep having panic attacks.. I want him back to when he was healthy, happy and thriving.. There wasn’t any rhyme or reason for it.. it was just unlucky that his DNA made a mistake and that was it for us.. I love him so much.. it feels like my heart died with him..
Oh my gosh your post has just saddened me so much. Please know you are amongst friends here and we all know how you’re feeling. You only had a short time together but your bond and love together was so precious. It’s so difficult when we lose the love of our lives… my other half of me, Ray, went in October, so this is all new to me too. I miss him so much, my heart aches. I desperately want to hear his voice and hug him so tight, the tears are never far away. Take good care and keep talking about your dear husband, it’s so important. Hugs to you xx
I also keep rewatching videos of him as we used to like travelling. He was always happy that I go along with the ‘dumb’ stuff he does. Sometimes seeing those bring back happy memories, sometimes I just wish for him to jump out the screen and resume our life together..
Hi kkjw
I feel on the darkest of days that Lisa will just come through the door like nothings happened.
She just suddenly passed away on the 15/09/25 from a subarachnoid hemorrhage.
No warning, no signs, she was gone within 45mins of me leaving the house & our life’s changed forever.
I’ve thankfully still got my 20yr old son living at home, we try & support each other.
The silence is deafening as we just bounced off each other she was so full of life & love.
Take care
xx
So sorry for your loss, I lost my partner 10 weeks ago, found him lying on the kitchen floor. I’m a retired nurse but I knew he was dead, so not able to attempt CPR. The PM was inconclusive so I don’t even know the cause of death yet. Grief is ruthless it rips your heart out, changes you as a person. I was part of a couple for nearly 40 years, I can’t see life without him. I understand how you feel, sometimes friends and family although sympathetic, just don’t get it if they’ve not been down this path themselves. Scream, cry, do anything to release the torment.
I don’t have any immediate family here, and even though my parents came, they offered little support.. They don’t know how to deal with other people’s grief.. it only made my pain worse…
My friends regularly check up on me..
I’ve only got our dog.. I feel like I know why my husband, on his last weeks, kept pushing him away.. He always said that our dog would replace him one day.. I wonder if he felt resentment to our dog for being so alive and that what he said is coming true.. He loved him though.. I know it.. they were always playing together, he took him to walks, he loved running with him..
I used to like waking up in the morning. Happily greeting my husband and cuddling with him before we go to work.. Now, it feels like a chore.. I wake up at odd hours with panic attacks.. with no one to talk to but the Samaritans.. I miss my husband’s comforting embrace whenever I feel scared.. I miss holding his hand and feeling his warmth..
I would probably be able to accept it if we were in our 80s or 90s.. having done most of what we wanted, seeing what we’ve accomplished.. I’m never going to be able to accept him taken at 33…
I guess for some people to relate to the grief we feel can only be felt if you live a life 24/7 with the same partner, they can show you compassion & empathy but to feel the deep tragic loss can only be felt by there immediate love.
Going forwards feels like an unachievable obstacle but you want to be able to take your loved one on the same journey that you can only travel alone.
Love 
compassion & empathy to you all out there that have loved & lost. XX
So so sorry and FAR too young. My heart goes out to you.
25 days has gone by quick since my Kris died..
Everyone here is struggling but trying to move forward..
I don’t know how.. I want to go back to the days when we were happy..
The house is so quiet. So devoid of joy. Our home is no longer a home.. I don’t even want to move even if that was all I wanted us to do before.. We have so many happy and sad memories here and I don’t want to let them go..
Saying ‘we, us and ours’ is so painful because the reality is I’m all alone now..
I am jealous, I’m bitter, I’m angry.. at anyone happy with their lives.. Why do they deserve it and not us…
I can relate to how you’re feeling. I’m 10 weeks on since my soul mate died suddenly. Most days I just want to curl up and never go out again. After being part of a couple you’re lost, can’t function properly. I feel I don’t want to live in the house any more. Without him it’s just bricks and mortar but there’s so many memories as well. What you’re feeling is normal everyone on here understands your pain.
I’m so sorry to read this, very sad and very young. I lost my husband nearly 3 years ago suddenly and unexpectedly he was 53. Take one hour, one minute at a time, try not to look ahead as we don’t know what the future holds as we didn’t know what the past was going to hold. After nearly 3 years I still have my triggers and waves and miss my husband everyday. What helped me was meeting and making friends who have been similar experiences as they get it and we can support each other, we have stayed friends and go away together. You are still very early days and will be missing your soul mate and will for ever, life is definitely cruel and unfair. I know a couple of people who have reached out to WAY window and young which they find a life saver or WAVY window and very young. Scream when you want and keep reaching out on here, big hugs Xx
I am updating banks, insurances and others.. my hand shakes whenever i select “widowed” as an option..
If I go out of the house, it feels like I have a huge sign over my head that I am now a widow. That my aura just exudes sadness and bitterness..
I hate eyes that look at me with pity. It’s not the first time I’ve received those..
almost 10 years ago, my first boyfriend turned ex-fiance cheated on me and I found out about it a month before we were supposed to get married. I was pretty devastated then, but it’s easier to move on from a cheating partner than a kind, loving and devoted husband..
I’ve already had 3 strikes in my 35 years of living..
One cheating ex-fiance, a miscarriage with my husband, and now my husband’s death..
Fate always seems to kick me in the gut at my most happiest.. I don’t think I can bear any anymore..
I think things are very raw for us at the moment.
I think as time goes on things may get slightly easer. Although Christmas is going to be heart wrenching as this is when we enjoy our family time.
It’s very hard.!!
Big hugs for you all.xx
I am so sorry to read this. My husband died on 8th November 2025 so I know how you are feeling. We had been married a long time and he had been very ill for the past few years so I have been his carer. You are so young it is heartbreaking. I had a screaming fit when I was on my own today. I felt better afterwards as I had been trying to be strong.
You have every reason to feel the way you do. Hopefully knowing other people are suffering the same will make you feel less alone. Xxx
I know exactly what your feeling and it’s terrible no one knows untill it happens to them my husband passed in October this year and l just can imagine life without him 
been together since we where 15 married for 55 years
I have screaming fits every day too, mostly directed at God. Oh, the things I say—
I don’t think I’ve ever been this angry at Him. So far, I’ve accepted that ‘it might not be the right time’ and ‘He has plans for you,’ but this is a whole different level of challenge, dare I say; a slap in my face, to stop dreaming that I deserve any right to be happy in this life.
I’ve never been a goody-two-shoes, but I’ve never stepped on anyone to gain anything. I can even say that my husband helped me tone down my bad side. I started to enjoy the little things in life, the natural things that God had given us. We even thanked Him for giving us each other. My husband was an atheist, but he believed in a higher power. He believed that everything is predetermined.
I always feared that he would be taken from me early, as he was too good for this world and because our relationship developed really quickly. We had too many coincidences in our lives. I kept praying to God not to take him from me yet, that I was scared and it felt like we were moving quickly to the end. I was always afraid that he’d get sick or would die in his sleep.
It’s devastating when your worst fears come to fruition.
I feel the same. I always feared my lovely Ray would go before me, but I never thought it would happen this fast. Only ill for 8 weeks, he suffered so much and had just turned 60 in that damn hospital. His care wasn’t good and I’m so angry at the hospital and some members of my family who swarmed in and took over when he passed away. It’s been 8 weeks today and I honestly don’t want to carry on without him. There doesn’t seem any point in anything. No joy, no fun without him, he was the best
It’s getting more and more difficult to get up in the morning and do anything…
All I think about is why I’m still here..
Have you tried other support? I go through them on rotation but it doesn’t seem to help me
Yes have had 2 counselling sessions and they have helped a bit, but I still just can’t get my head around the speed of it all. I suppose I’m still in shock really. My car is saying up and it’s adding to the pressure of it all. You feel so alone and vulnerable when something like that happens. It brings home to me that I’m all alone now. No Ray to say the right things and help me make decisions. I have an amazing sister in France who is always at the end of the phone. The rest of my family are useless
My parents don’t know how to support my grief.. my friends are great, well..some of them..
I use multiple ones in a day, whenever I’m in a really really bad place. Marie Curie, GriefChat, Shout, Samaritans, St. Margaret’s, this forum and our GP.
Sometimes I think it would be nice to be oblivious to what killed my husband, but it’s my work.. from the beginning, I already knew too much about it and I studied more about it when he got diagnosed so that I can help him. It makes me angrier. I don’t wish our circumstances on anyone.
He said maybe we were fated to meet, I was destined to work with cancer, so that I can help him live a bit longer than if we hadn’t met. Or maybe I can help other people who have the same cancer as him. He is such a good person, he even thinks of other people on his deathbed.. I can’t.. Why do I have to help other people when my own husband died of it, so that others can live?? No wonder I’m still alive. I’m nowhere as good as him.