I want my mom back

I’m only 31 and lost my mom. She was only 58. Totally fit. One moment it was fine and the next jt was not. She had no ailments so I’m shocked how did she get cardiac arrest. She is my everything. I’m going to use present tense for her because she can never be ‘was’.
I don’t know how to live without her. My mom is my everything. I love her so much. I have not left the bed ever since she passed away. My sister (6 years older to me) is taking it pretty well and giving support to me and my dad. She makes me shower and eat but I don’t even feel hungry. I want to die but I know that’s not an option. I can’t give another pain to my dad. But I hope death comes to me naturally. I cannot imagine living without her. The last two weeks were hell and no time doesn’t heal anything. It probably does for others but I don’t think it will help me. I want my mumma back. I’m too young to lose mom!!

Hi Mummasdaughter,

I’m so sorry for your loss. Having been through the sudden loss of both my parents (my dad 23 years ago to a cardiac arrest when he was 53 and my mum 2 years ago to a sudden brain haemorrhage when she was 74) I can tell you that things do get better.

However, it takes alot of time. You are in the very early stages of shock and it will take months for you to get anywhere near a normal life back. You have alot to get through first and the road ahead will be very hard.

I ended up just accepting my grief rather than trying to fight it and felt better for it. I took 6 months off work and then it was baby steps till I had the capacity to concentrate again.

Now, I still have bad days and sometimes it all feels so pointless but I also have good days where I laugh at a tv show or enjoy a good book. Some days I feel I have achieved alot at work or I go for a run and feel positive. I can enjoy a glass of wine without crying again.

At this stage you need to take each hour as it comes. Make no plans and congratulate yourself for getting through each day.



Thanks Cheryl for giving me some hope. I will let time do its thing but I myself don’t feel like taking any action.
I’m so sorry for your loss. It must be so hard for you.
I haven’t stopped crying. I cry so much that I’m getting bad headaches. I am on anti depressants and take medication for sleeping. I will go crazy without it.

It’s to be expected. I still cry, just not as often.

The loss never goes away but the rawness does.

Things will get better but it will be a different life and one that you weren’t prepared for, especially as this all came so out of the blue for you.

Speaking with others on this site is really helpful and there are a few from the US on here too x

I’m in similar position, lost my wonderful mum 14/12/21 and I was 34. Always dreaded myself getting to middle age as I knew I’d lose my parents but never expected it to be at this stage of my life if that makes sense.
I am married and have a toddler and ppl often say to me aw at least uv got them. Which yes I know is a blessing but it’s not a substitute for my mum. That’s like someone saying oh that’s a shame uv no legs but at least uv got arms. Like yeah great but it’s not the same.

Completely agree Vic4.

My mum lived with us, was my childminder, my company, my support and my best friend.

My child and partner don’t get me like my mum did. The void that she has left is so huge.

People say such stupid insensitive things!


This is my first reply on here. I lost my mum suddenly just over 2 weeks ago; she was 61, I’m 33 years old. I am so so sorry for everyone’s loss.

I completely understand what you’re all going through; my mum and I didn’t have the best relationship 100% of the time, but I am completely lost without her. Nobody understands me the way she did, and although I’m married and I have a lovely dog who was the absolute light of my mums world, and I feel so alone in my grief.

It’s very hard losing a parent at any time in your life, but I think your 30’s is a funny old time in your life when you’re only just figuring out who the adult you is, and doing that without one of your parents just feels impossible at times.


Exactly hun, it’s an enormous void that’s irreplaceable.
Until ppl go through it they just don’t get it. They try to “help” by saying things like you’ll always have ur memories - well yes but u can’t cuddle or phone a memory can you.
I’ve even experienced ppl who have been through it thinking their grief is worse as they are alone no other family/kids etc though I have tried to point out to them that no matter ur situation ur grief is still ur grief - they have time and space to cry/grieve/stay in bed or whatever whereas I’m always having to be strong for everyone. So all grief is just as valid I’d say. Anyone having been through this is in the same hellish boat regardless of circumstances. Xx

I totally agree.

I also had people (including my sister) who told me to control my tears infront of my daughter so I didn’t upset her. Well, sorry but I wasn’t able to control my emotions like that.

Equally I had to manage the grief of a 12 year old while not being able to deal with my own.

As you said, everyone’s grief is unique to them and their situation.


So sorry for your loss. It’s difficult at any age but we need our mom the most in 30s. I am finally able to earn decent and wanted to do all those things for them which they did for me. I understand nothing can replace mom. I don’t even want the distraction from this sadness. I am so lost. The only thing which keeps me going is knowing that we l are going to die. So this pain is not permanent.
And also that I’m my mom’s DNA. She has made me.