My mum died at he start of June, she was 88 but it was still a shock. I found her making noises and unconscious - if i had woken up half an hour earlier i might have been there to spend a couple of talking minutes with her - she died in hospital 24 hours later, without regaining. I stayed there the whole time. Her “boyfriend” (he was in his 90s) died in January and Ive watched her diminish since then but did not expect this. His daughters live at the other end of the country to us so she had been looking after him as best she could. My dad died when I was 14 of a heart attack, I was alone with him. I have a brother in his fifties in the States. He has been there since the late 1980s years and is now an America. Mum loved him - but hadn’t been able to get hold of him in any way since last October (she always did the chasing). He didnt even bother to send her a Christmas Card last year, Ive been back with her for many years now.
I left three messages on my brothers phone to say mum had died - didn’t hear anything. The last time I phoned and left a message I mentioned about mum leaving some money by the way of shares. I got a letter the day before the funeral (earlier this week) which was postmarked the day I after I left the message about the shares - full of comments like “thanks for looking after mum in my absense” - he’s been out there nearly 40 years!!!. I’ve always been seen as a “strong” person - I got the funeral organised - which was difficult in itself given that she was church community - I am atheist. The church was packed and I had to deal with everyone else’s grief. Whilst everyone else went to the wake I went to the crem with her for a final goodbye - all I can think about is her little body burning to pieces. My “friends” have not stepped up at all - I’m am the one who always helped them through **** - that just makes me question the value of those friendships and want to have nothing more to do with them. My brother is a vile piece of ****, my extended family think i am “strong” Mum’s elderly friends have been doing weird stuff since she died - which I can see objectively why but I can’t cope with at the moment. I am bi-polar and have not been taking my meds since she died and I suffer from arthritis in my most of my joints. I decided to take drawdown on my personal pension when I hit 55 - which was in the pandemic, so the only good thing is that i do not have added stress of work over my head - I just want my mum.
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Hey @Kauto I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum and that you have found yourself here in this chat room.
It sounds like you have had lots of challenges along the way and it’s so sad your brother is so disconnected from your family
I know it’s been difficult but you need to look after yourself - and keep taking your meds. Keep doing some exercise even if it’s just getting out for a walk.
Sending lots of love and strengrh